Sub Rosa: Enya Saga
by kayura sanada
Summary: 3rd. Danger is gone for now, but Duo's real troubles have nothing to do with life and death and everything to do with peace of mind. And is the danger really over? 1x2, 3x4, 5xS Sequel up!
1. Fallen Embers

Disclaimer: You _do_ know that Gundam Wing isn't mine... right?

* * *

Sub Rosa

Prologue

Fallen Embers

* * *

_He only stared at me, waiting. How could I answer that? The truth, so painful for me, would be too difficult for him to bear. I gave him a lopsided grin. "When I write, Heero, it's more melodramatic than-"_

"_Duo, don't spare me."_

_The grin flickered, then disappeared on a sigh. "It's not that you left me behind on purpose, Heero... it's just that I wasn't able to follow."_

_Those eyes cataloged my words, once again decoding them. "And you believe I continued on without you."_

Hadn't you?_ I wondered, but I dared not say it. The truth was that we'd both managed to continue under the grief, he'd just gained more than me. That didn't mean he had suffered any less. "Look, when I write, it always comes out melancholy. I have-"_

"_Of course it comes out melancholy," Heero cut in. I wished his eyes couldn't rip through me like that. "Duo, _you _were melancholy. Hadn't you noticed?"_

_Of course I had. Did he think me stupid? I scowled up at him, but the effect was wholly ruined by my being trapped on the bed. "That has nothing to do with it," I muttered. "I'd come back from a bad mission, that's all."_

"_What kind of mission?"_

_If it were possible for the scowl to deepen, it did. "So a guy wanted me to find whoever'd raped and killed his wife, okay? I had to get the files on the girl and everything and it sucked."_

"_I see." I wasn't ready for it; I never was. He leaned down and kissed my forehead, a warm pressure that seized my heart. Whenever had Heero learned these acts of affection? "I will never," he breathed, "leave you behind again. I swear it."_

* * *

***Two Years Ago***

**-  
**

Heero tapped his fingers on the sofa table restlessly. The phone in his hand seemed to ring forever, and dammit but no one was picking up.

Finally, finally Une answered her damn phone. "Yuy."

"I'm calling in sick," he said shortly. In his wait, he'd already managed to put on his lightweight coat to hide his gun. He would flip out his Preventors badge if some high-handed official decided to get bossy, but it was unnecessary. He wouldn't get caught with it unless he shot someone out in public. Which he may very well do.

Une snorted over the line. "Yuy, you never get sick."

"I know. I said I'm _calling in_ sick." He opened the door and headed to his car, unwilling to wait for the conversation to end before moving.

"And why, dare I ask, are you calling in sick?"

He could imagine the look on her face – slightly amused, slightly agitated. She would be tapping her pencil against her desk right about now. If he listened closely, he could just make out the sound of its rapping. It almost made him smile.

"Wufei heard a man shouting in the streets, saying he would take out the Gundam pilots. He was asking people if they knew where we were. He and I are going to meet up with him and save him the trouble of tracking us down one by one."

Une was silent for a moment. Heero took the chance to unlock his car and step inside. He started it as she said, "then why don't you call in your report?"

"Hn?" He wasted no time in exiting his driveway.

"I'll put you on the case. Apprehend that man, dead or alive. That way you don't have to waste your sick days."

He smirked. How like her. "As if I use them," he countered slightly.

"I don't care, Yuy. If he's targeting my men, I want him taken down. See to it."

He hummed an inarticulate affirmative and flipped his phone closed. The discussion was over.

* * *

He met with Wufei outside the martial arts dojo where he'd heard the man's proclamations.

"Hello, Yuy."

He sent Wufei a small, hardly discernible smile. "What did he say?"

"He said, and I quote, 'wherever those Gundam pilots are, I'll take them all down. Anyone here gonna tell me where they are? I've got an appointment with the next one.'"

"'Next one'?" Heero repeated, feeling a swarm of panicked butterflies flutter inside him.

Wufei nodded. Both of them were a bit unused to showing emotions, but even Wufei couldn't hide his concern. "I highly doubt he is an actual threat, but I will treat him as one nonetheless."

Heero agreed. Duo, for all his cheerful exuberance, could take care of himself. Wherever he was.

Wufei holstered his gun and hid it under his own coat. It was July, far too hot for them to be comfortable. "Did you tell her?"

"It's now a case" was his clipped response.

Wufei chuckled. "Of course it is. The woman's crazy."

Heero chuckled dryly. "I'm aware. So where is he?" Wufei had undoubtedly followed the man, after all.

"I'll show you." And Wufei moved off. Heero got into formation slightly behind him.

* * *

***Present***

**-  
**

The birds woke me up.

It had only been a week since Greaves and I had fought, and no one had heard from him since. He'd managed to disappear.

I, on the other hand, couldn't manage to stand. Of course I'd pushed it too far. It had been absolutely stupid to fight in the condition I'd been in. Heero... hell, if I'd thought he had mother-hen tendencies before, he was fucking insane now. He didn't let me do a fucking thing. I was watched more closely than Quatre.

The thought of Quatre brought a searing pain. Ever since the latest disaster, he hadn't come over at all. And it wasn't because he was out of town. No, I knew without a doubt that it was because Trowa wasn't allowing him. Apparently I was too much of a danger.

It hurt, not having my friend nearby. He had always been the one closest to me, the one who understood without my needing to say a word. Where Heero had Wufei, I had Quatre.

Heero, of course, hadn't returned to Preventors yet. I had no idea how the man could simply boss around Une like that – even I hadn't gone that far. Wasn't it dangerous?

"Duo?"

I turned my head to the sound. It was Heero, of course, waiting for entrance into my room. It was a ridiculous notion – what, could I stop him? "Hey there, Heero."

Heero opened the door then, a smile flickering across his face. "Hey," he replied. In his hands sat a tray with what looked to be soup and orange juice. I grinned. "Food?" I asked hopefully.

He chuckled. "Of course. Did you think I'd let you starve?"

"You? Mama-Yuy?" I snorted. "Not likely."

Heero placed the tray on the nightstand beside me. A flick of his wrist snapped the lamp on. He used the extra light to study me. "You look better," he said finally. I had no idea what he meant; it wasn't like I'd just come out of the hospital. I'd been here for a while, suffering through a day nurse. Heero turned to the food and picked up the soup.

Shit. We were still doing this.

I blushed as propped me up and scooted his chair – a permanent fixture by the bed – closer to me. I couldn't yet hold things well – my stomach had the tendency to screw up even my good arm. I had to be fed by someone else. And of course Heero had volunteered.

It was an absolutely humiliating experience. Never before had I gotten myself this messed up. Worse, even if I had, I knew damn well that I never would have allowed it... if I hadn't just recently heard Heero's proclamation.

Even now the words echoed off the caverns of my mind randomly. I would hear them again while lying down wishing I had something to occupy my time, or when reading, or sometimes eating or bathing – another humiliating situation, though this task was performed by my day nurse.

The thought of it now made me smile. Those three words were...

"What?" Heero asked softly, ladling a spoonful of soup and holding it out for me.

I blushed to my toes. "Huh?" I accepted the food and wished I could turn into a puddle and melt into the bedding.

"Your smile. What brought it?"

Heero had also developed a curiosity that could absolutely not be appeased. Throwing sacrificial virgins into a volcano probably wouldn't even make him pause for a breath when he got going. I cleared my throat and took another bite before answering. "Uh, just remembering..."

Heero quirked an eyebrow. "Remembering what?"

I scowled, this time almost forgetting that I was supposed to eat. "The day I woke up," I mumbled around the food. It was harder to swallow, admitting that little peach.

"Hmm." Heero closed his eyes and leaned back for a moment. "Mine was a bit too bittersweet at the time, but now I suppose I can appreciate the words." I felt guilt and sadness take a chunk out of me, but Heero's face was sporting a strange little smile. "After all..." Heero said, focusing those eyes back on me and carefully spooning up another bit of food. "It broke the barrier between us."

I was too shocked to be able to respond, and Heero took the opportunity to stuff the spoon into my mouth. I took far too much time chewing, thinking about what Heero had said. It was silent then as Heero respected my mood.

It was when he was packing everything back up that I spoke up. "I didn't mean to make it a bad memory."

Heero turned to stare at me with what could only be shock on his face. The bowl he held sat limply in his hands. "Duo, it isn't like that." Without looking at the tray, he placed the bowl on it and placed his hand over mine. I blushed hard enough to stain. "Yes, I was scared, but I was happy, too. Happy to hear that you loved me."

His spoke those words far too easily. It made the blush even worse. "I didn't want to go without..." but saying that brought a sad look to Heero's face, so I switched. "I didn't say anything at first because I thought you'd never..." Shit, that wasn't good, either. "I-I mean..."

Heero squeezed my hand tightly. "Duo."

"It was during the war." I had no idea why I was telling him all this. "At first it was kind of like hero worship. You were freaking invincible, and I knew I'd never be able to measure up."

Heero scowled at me. "What?"

"But then it became more about... you as a whole, but you were the soldier and I knew that came first to you. As it should have. But... I started thinking that there was no way..." I'd thought that from the beginning, dammit. But I was going to edit the hell out of this for his sake. "And packed it up."

Heero sat, patiently listening. But those damn insightful eyes of his seemed to be processing something. That was never good. "You were thinking you would die after the battle with Greaves."

I winced. "I hadn't gone out expecting that," I argued, knowing it was a feeble defense. "I told you – he had some sort of enhancements made on him. It was harder than it should have been."

That scowl came back. "It would have been easier if-"

"_No_," I snapped heatedly. "It was a battle between us. It wasn't yours to get involved in."

Heero gave me a sharp look. "Of course it was. I've loved you for years, Duo. I couldn't take the chance that I would lose you."

I winced. Okay, he had a point. And it made my chest hurt to hear he'd loved me for years. "So much lost time..."

I hadn't realized I'd spoken aloud until Heero responded. "I know."

Of course the reason it had taken so long was because I'd run off. Thinking about the pain I'd gone through every day of those three damn years, it made me feel so stupid. And then to continue with my stupidity even after seeing him again! What the hell was wrong with me?

"I should have told you," Heero murmured. It snapped me out of my little mental pit.

"Huh?" I asked brightly.

"When you returned... no, before that. We'd had time, but I'd never said anything. You were always so happy; I kept telling myself I had time."

I backpedaled quickly. "Whoa, whoa. Uh..." I blinked. "Wait, what? You liked me back before I left?"

Heero seemed taken aback by my words. "Of course."

I tried to digest that. "Uh, all you guys said was that you were talking to Wufei during my month's stay..." Although he had said things earlier that hinted at a longer span of time... I'd just figured he'd come to the realization after the time I'd left.

Heero sighed. "I liked you during the war, Duo."

That pierced through me... strangely. "Even then?" I tried to see the old Heero liking much of anything and felt my brain cells fry.

Heero sighed and picked up the tray, standing as he did so. "How couldn't I, Duo?" he asked me, though his eyes were no longer on me. "During the war, you always had a smile for everyone. I thought it a sign of incompetence at first, but it became so much of a solace that I..." He shrugged. "I began depending on it."

He made his exit then, in true Hollywood style, closing the door behind him. And I, following the clichéd script perfectly, stared after him for a long period of time.

Finally I scowled and turned away, embarrassed as hell. Fade to black.

* * *

***Two Years Ago***

**-  
**

"Here?" Heero asked dubiously, staring at the completely normal suburban neighborhood house. White building, dark blue shutters, empty garden patch. It could be owned by any bachelor – or even bachelorette – in the world.

"No, I just decided to stare at this house." Wufei pulled out his gun and checked it over.

Heero cocked his brow at the sarcasm and did the same with his own gun. "What does he look like?"

"Slightly broad, weight approximately one-sixty, height approximately six foot. Blond hair, long, eyes brown." Wufei snapped his magazine closed and glared at the house. "Shall we?"

Heero hummed an affirmative. His thoughts scattered slightly, wondering what the man meant. Next one? Had he really hurt Duo in some way? Was Duo...?

He gritted his teeth. No. Duo had survived the war, after all.

Though... Heero closed his eyes for a split second. Though Duo had been the one to get caught more than anyone else. Half of it was because the man was sacrificing himself, but Heero had to admit that the other half was because of the idiot's recklessness. Had Duo been reckless again, without Heero around to bail him out?

Heero clenched his gun hard. There was only one way to find out.

* * *

***Present***

**-  
**

Mr. Zencroft was the devil.

I decided that after he made his first house call since The Incident and liberally tortured the hell out of me. Today, being the second such visit from hell, he took the chance to inform me that it was my fault for getting myself injured even worse. Like I wanted to hear logic when I was in agony.

I glared at him as he left the room, my bad mood not the least bit abated by his blessed absence. I could hear Heero's voice, indistinct with distance, speaking with Evil Incarnate on my lack of progress, which would continue until I could at least stand. I scowled.

Finally, blessedly, I heard that door close. I waited impatiently for Heero's return, the catch-all sign that the torture had officially passed. I found it telling that he was never nearby while I "exercised."

The door opened, and I caught Heero's concerned gaze before he smiled at me. "How are you?"

"Humph." I cast my glare in his direction. After all, he'd left me alone with that sadist.

He chuckled. "How about we-"

He was interrupted by the doorbell. Heero turned to the sound and grinned. "They're here," he murmured.

I cocked an eyebrow at him and watched him disappear. They? I strained my ears, but I couldn't hear anything other than the security system beeping out a warning that the door had been opened. Who was it now? Heero had worn a secret little smile, more like a smirk. What the hell was he up to?

Then there were footsteps tracing their way to me. Footsteps and... a wheelchair?

I felt hope spring up in my chest just as the door opened – and there, with Wufei behind him and Heero behind _him_, sat Quatre, positively beaming at me.

"Quatre!" I shouted with joy, shining my biggest grin at him. If I could have, I would have bounced up and down in happiness.

Wufei snorted as he wheeled Quatre inside. "How come I never get such a welcome, Maxwell?"

I didn't even flick him a glance. "Because you're always here. Quatre, how are you?" He looked much better now. It seemed that his pallor was darker, and he wasn't as hunched in on himself as he'd been the last time I'd seen him. The number of bandages also seemed to have decreased.

"I'm well, Duo. And you?" His eyes raked over me, that grin of his falling into a frown as he looked me over. I, unlike him, hadn't made much progress. Unless one considered the fact that I'd become progressively worse.

"I feel better than I look," I assured him.

He gave me a dubious look.

"Maxwell," Wufei chuckled, "if you felt as bad as you looked, you'd probably be dead."

I sent him a half-glare. "Oh yeah? Well if I were dead I wouldn't be feeling worse, now would I?" I sent him a mocking sneer. Hah! That little tete-a-tete was mine.

Quatre laughed. "It seems your morbid sense of humor is in good condition, at least."

I cocked him a grin. "Of course." But then I looked at him seriously. "Quatre, you're going to catch hell for this. I know damn well Trowa doesn't know you're over here."

Quatre scowled. It was strange to see such a look on the normally placid blond's face. "That bastard," he snarled, and I thought I would choke on the shock, "doesn't ever want me to be near you. I can't believe his nerve! What the hell's wrong with him? He can go straight to-"

"Whoa, whoa." I almost made the mistake of lifting my hands up, but I thought Heero would gun for me if I did. "When did this happen? What's going on?"

Quatre turned to me, his eyes earnest. "You have always been my closest friend, Duo," he said. I felt guilt hit like the vacuum of space, sucking me in, leaving me adrift. "We always understood each other, even during the war, despite our different backgrounds. You were there for me, even when you weren't there physically. Trowa wants me to forget all that. To forget _you_. I won't."

I didn't know what to think. Quatre was arguing with Trowa over me? There were strains in their relationship because of me? Because... because I was such a close friend of Quatre's. Because Quatre still held me in high regard, and Trowa couldn't understand why. "He's worried about you," I whispered, hoping to salvage their relationship somehow.

"I know that," Quatre snapped. "I also know I won't let him take you away from me." He wheeled himself forward and touched my hand. "Duo. Don't think this is your fault, okay? It's between Trowa and me."

I scowled. "You're arguing over me, Quatre. How _doesn't_ that involve me?"

Quatre leaned forward, enough to make me worry about his recuperating wound. "I told you, you're my best friend. I know Trowa's worried that I'll be hurt, but being kept away from you hurts. Especially now, when you're wounded like this and recuperating and you may be attacked again."

I didn't want to think about that too hard. "Well, the attack thing..." I sighed, one big long whoosh. I saw Heero and Wufei slip out of the room, making nonsense noises about tea, and waited until they were gone. "I..." _Shouldn't bother you with this sort of thing._

"You're scared, aren't you."

It wasn't really a question, but I nodded anyway. "I can't do anything as I am now. And Caribol..."

Quatre nodded his head in understanding. "I know. It hurts to have those you care about in danger."

Guilt sucked me back up again. Shit. "Qat, I don't want you and Trowa fighting."

Quatre's eyes waffled for a bit before he admitted, "I don't want us fighting, either. But," he warned, "I'm not letting it go. I won't stay away from you. Duo... would you stay away from me, if Heero ordered it? And I was really hurt?"

I thought about it, then sighed. "Not even for him," I murmured. Because Quatre truly was my closest friend.

Quatre nodded. "There. See? Though I don't think Heero would ever do that. He's very reliable."

"So's Trowa." I carefully didn't say either 'is' or 'was.' "I always thought of him as the most level-headed of us all."

Quatre frowned. "Not about me, he isn't."

"Sometimes that's a good thing," I said. I didn't want these two to fall apart. They really were made for each other. Trowa just... hated my guts. With a passion. "He's just really worried about you, and he doesn't trust me all that much. Just think about it, Quatre. If Trowa were practically pining away for someone for years, someone who never seemed to return his concern-"

"But you did worry about me!" Quatre interrupted. "I know; it was in all of your cards, all of your phone calls. You felt guilty about it all the time. I..."

I winced. It was true, but I didn't know it was so plain. I'd tried to keep it hidden. Tried to make Quatre feel that I was happy. "But he _didn't_ know that, Quatre. How could he? He doesn't know me the way you do."

"But..." Quatre considered it for a moment. Then he sighed. "I still have the cards. Maybe showing them to him will..."

Heero entered the room, hands empty of any supposed tea. His eyes zeroed in on Quatre. "Sorry, Quatre." The blond's eyes dimmed, narrowed. He scowled, but there was a line of stress and fatigue between his brows. "Time's up. Trowa found out."

* * *

You know, I just realized that this is a lot like a bad soap opera. -_-;


	2. May It Be

Disclaimer: You _know_ Gundam Wing isn't mine... right?

* * *

Sub Rosa

Chapter Two

May It Be

* * *

***Two Years Ago***

**-  
**

Following protocol for Une's sake – an annoying obstacle at the best of times – Heero and Wufei waited until the man opened his door. Heero was surprised. Not because he looked normal – they always looked normal – but because he _didn't_ look normal. His hair, a dirty blond, was died in dreadlocks and pulled into a ponytail. His face, stocky and angled, was rough with stubble. He smirked with a mouth pulled down on the right by a scar. A fresh one.

And his eyes were an arrogant brown-gold.

"Hey," he said, and his voice was deep, almost country. Heero hated that the man was taller than him. But most people were taller than him.

"Hello."

The man pointed his thumb at his scar before Heero could say anything. "Don't mind the mark. It's a victory scar."

Wufei snarled. "Victory?"

"Yeah, man. You know the Gundam pilots? This was a parting gift from the long-haired one just before he bit it."

Heero felt fear smack him in the chest hard enough to catch his breath. "I doubt it. We aren't weak enough to be defeated by someone like you."

"'We?'" The man looked shocked for a second, but then his cocky grin turned feral. "So you've come to me? That makes my life pretty fuckin' simple."

"Inside or out?" Wufei asked calmly.

The man laughed gleefully. "Hell, let's make a spectacle of it!" He gestured behind them. "Shall we?"

Heero scowled, jumping back and grabbing up his gun. Wufei did the same. Neither was willing to show their backs to this man.

"My name's Dracul," The man told them. "I think it's only fair for you to die with my name burned into those eyes of yours."

Heero wasn't expecting the man's movements to be hard to follow.

* * *

***Present***

**-  
**

It was like entering the battlefield again. Only this time I was completely defenseless.

Trowa charged into the room – my room, where I was conveniently trapped on the bed – and glared murder at... me. If I wasn't so scared of the promises in those eyes, I would've cocked my eyebrow at him. What, did I think I dragged Quatre over here, kicking and screaming in protest?

Heero, of course, came to my side and matched Trowa glare for glare. I just about died. Hadn't these four become best friends while I'd been away? Was it all crumbling to the ground because I was back? Why?

"Yuy, what the hell is Quatre doing here?" Trowa growled. I couldn't believe it – Trowa completely disregarded the fact that Quatre was right there in the room with us.

"I asked them to bring me over, Trowa," Quatre snapped, pulling Trowa's attention to him. I thought I saw the anger flicker for a second in Trowa's forest-green eyes. Was that hurt in its place?

"Why?" Trowa demanded. "I told you-"

"And I told you I don't give a damn about your stupid fucking prejudices," Quatre punched in. I was too shocked to speak. Quatre was so pissed he was using the cursed 'F' word? And why, why in _hell_, was Heero the one Trowa had turned on the instant he'd walked in? Just because he'd stood up for me? I was surprised to find that it got my back up.

"Quatre, dammit-"

"No! Duo's my _friend_, Trowa!" Behind Quatre's anger was a desperation that made me wince. Trowa heard it too. I could tell because he flinched almost violently.

"That piece of shit?!" Trowa threw a hand to indicate me. This time I flinched.

Quatre stared at Trowa in shock. Those sky blue eyes drowned in sorrow.

"I believe it's time for you to leave," Heero said quietly. My eyes drifted over to him. I could only see the side of his face, but it chilled me. He was the Perfect Soldier now, eyes dead and cold. I saw that his hands had clenched into fists.

Trowa caught the danger in Heero's stance as well and frowned. "So you're still–"

Heero snarled. "Get out, Trowa."

Trowa glared right back. "Fine. Quatre, we're going."

"No." Trowa turned to Quatre in shock, hurt... fear? "I'm staying here, Trowa." And Quatre's eyes were so full of pleading, begging Trowa for something.

I couldn't believe how quickly things were degenerating. "Wait," I said, then louder, "wait!"

They all turned to me, three pairs of eyes – damn, four pairs of eyes, as Wufei ran into the room. I couldn't believe this. Quatre and Trowa looked like they were on the verge of breaking up, and Heero seemed about ready to commit murder. I had to stop this. "Look," I said, and I wished I could freaking move my arms, at least. "Look," I said again, "how about Trowa and I just talk this out for a bit?"

Heero snarled. "Absolutely not." There were similar noises coming out of Wufei's and Quatre's faces. Trowa glared fiercely at me.

"This is between me and-" I began, but was cut off.

"You're not pulling that one out again," Heero snapped. "No fucking way. I'm not leaving this room." He sent a dark look to Trowa.

"Heero, this is something that has to be done." I looked over at Quatre, who was looking back and forth between me, Heero, and Trowa. "We can't have things continuing like this."

Quatre frowned, but he nodded. Heero growled at him, now, too. "All right, I'll concede that," he said slowly. "But we aren't leaving. The sides aren't even right now."

"And they'll be even with everyone ganging up on Trowa?" I countered. "I don't think he'll strangle me, you know." Note the words _I don't__** think**_. "We can't exactly hash this out with spectators."

Heero turned to me, turning his back to Trowa. It wasn't negligence, but instead a blatant insult. _You could never beat me_. I watched Trowa. He wouldn't take Heero's insult as an invite, would he? "Duo, I won't leave you."

I glared at him stubbornly. There was protection and then there was freaking hovering. "Heero, you know this is ridiculous, right?"

Heero scowled at me outright. "You're right; it _is_ ridiculous. Trowa should know that-"

"For the love of... Heero Yuy, are you telling me you guys fought like this over anything else? Before I came back, did you fight?"

"No," Wufei piped up from the doorway, "but that was because we avoided speaking of you around him."

My God. Things were really that tense? "See? That's ridiculous. Now get the fuck out of my room."

Wufei sighed and went behind Quatre. "No – hey! Wufei!"

Wufei leaned over and whispered something into Quatre's ear, something that made him settle down a bit. I watched him wheel the blond out and turned to Heero. "Please?"

Heero's eyes looked pained. But they also showed understanding. "Dammit," he whispered. He whirled on Trowa. "You touch him – fucking _touch_ him – and I will kill you."

It was an even deeper threat than when he said it to me during the war, spoken in a low growl. He seemed willing to give Trowa an example before he turned back to me and brushed a quick kiss over my forehead. The sign of endearment caught me off-guard, as it always did. By the time my head cleared, Heero had left the room. I highly doubted he'd left the hallway just outside.

It was an instant awkwardness, infinitely worse than when I'd found Trowa after he'd lost his memories. He glared at the floor. I stared off to the side, trying to see patterns in the patternless wall.

So," I started jerkily, turning to him, "I know I hurt Quatre-"

"You have no clue," he spat. "How he worried, how he..." Trowa looked up to sear my skin with that hatred in his dark green eyes. "Every day. Every day I would see him staring at the vid phone, at the pictures and cards you sent him. He would stare at them for _hours_."

I winced. I could see it; Quatre's empathy was so strong. "No, I couldn't have known that."

"You _left_. And why? For yourself. I had thought you weren't that greedy, that selfish. During the war... but you changed. You left everyone and went on your merry way, and you never thought about those you left behind."

"I thought about Quatre every day," I argued, but there was no heat in the words. It was true that I thought about Quatre. How couldn't I? Quatre had _always_ been there for me. I'd hurt him by leaving. I'd known it. But I'd been desperate. I had to make Trowa see that somehow. "I love Quatre. I didn't leave so I could hurt him, Trowa."

"It doesn't matter why you left. It matters what happened when you did."

I couldn't argue that. "I agree." Trowa seemed suitably shocked by this announcement. I took the chance to continue. "I agree; hurting Quatre is inexcusable. I... I can never make up for what I've done to him. And then when we finally meet each other again, I send him into death. I sent all of you in there, and for what? Because I'd messed up. It was for my mistake. I know. I'm not asking for forgiveness. I don't deserve it." I could see those eyes flicker a bit. Could see the confusion. Thank God.

"Then what do you want?" he demanded.

"Nothing. Nothing for me. But Quatre's hurting right now, and it's because of the tension between us. I don't want that, and I know you don't. And you and Heero and Wufei, you've all always been close, even during the war. You've become practically brothers, and now..." I shook my head. "I don't want everything to crumble just because of my mistakes. You all..."

"I don't understand you!" Trowa began pacing, a sharp clip. The room was too small for it to release any stress, but Trowa continued anyway. "You practically disappear for three years and then you return and try to get us killed. And now you fucking say it's all your fault!"

I frowned. "It is."

"I'm not arguing that," Trowa snapped. "But I didn't think you'd admit it."

"Hey." I put on my patented quirky smile. "I may run and hide, but I never tell a lie. Remember?"

Trowa glared at me. "I remember." He didn't pause in his pacing. If anything, he paced faster. "you _say_ you're worried about our relationships."

"I am," I defended. "Of course I am. If it weren't for me, you guys wouldn't have any problems, right?"

Trowa glared at me, but he didn't respond other than that. I took that as an affirmative. I was about to speak when Wufei poked his head in. "Maxwell, Yuy's frothing at the mouth out here. What are you guys saying?"

I grinned. "I knew he was out there. Mama-Yuy."

Trowa glanced at me, then Wufei. He scowled outright. "We need a few more minutes."

Wufei shrugged. "Fine. But if you hurt Maxwell, I'll skin you alive."

"Get in line!" I called as he closed the door. I shook my head. "See? See that? What the hell? The Gundam pilots are turning on each other. It's not right."

"What the hell were you doing those three years?" Trowa asked suddenly, his voice hard. It startled me a bit.

"I was a bounty hunter. Black Strike-"

"I know that, goddammit." That made me jump, too, because how often did Trowa curse? It was only a bit more than Quatre. A minuscule bit. "But you weren't out killing people twenty-four-seven, so pray tell – what the fuck were you doing those three years that you couldn't stop by and say hello to Quatre?!"

I frowned and looked away again. My answers didn't satisfy me, so there was no way in hell they would satisfy him. "At first, it was more that I needed to be completely alone. I felt like, if I returned to see anyone, I would start depending on them. I wouldn't be able to... it was the reason I kept coming back to you guys after the war, I mean... I just was so dependent on... on us. As a group. I knew I'd go back to doing that if I saw anyone."

"And then?" Trowa pressed, ruthless.

Yeah. Here was the part that I myself hated the reasoning for. "And then I became a bounty hunter, in pretty much all senses of the term. I made enemies. And I was the only one searching blindly for a war that was long over, while I knew damn well Quatre had settled down as a fucking businessman and I didn't want to bring the war to him again, and I knew that anyone I associated with would be targeted."

"And _that's_ your excuse for never seeing Quatre? For never coming to check on him or be with him?"

There was condemnation in that voice, but I was ready for it. After all, I condemned myself for the exact same reasons. "Excuse is a pretty good word for it," I said quietly.

"Goddamn it!" Trowa roared. "Do you _know_ what you did to him? And as if that weren't bad enough, that fucking psycho came and said he'd killed you and Quatre fucking went _catatonic_. He lost hope, lost faith. He never slept, he hardly ate. He sat by the phone every fucking day, waited for the mail woman every day, crumpled when he didn't receive anything from you. I thought he would _die_."

I winced again, hurting with each word Trowa spoke. "I didn't know," I whispered.

"Of course you didn't! Because you were too busy worrying about yourself!"

Heero burst through the door. "_Enough_. Get out, Barton."

"Heero-"

"No." He turned on me. "You and I are the ones who are going to be having a talk next. As for you," he snarled, turning back to his old comrade, "you get the fuck out of my house."

Trowa glared back at Heero. I almost expected the two of them to pull guns on each other. But then Trowa just walked out the door, leaving Heero alone in the room with me.

Heero shot me a look. "I'll be right back," he promised, as if I could go anywhere, and stormed out after Trowa. I heard a few heated words murmured too low for me to hear, then a door, and then some more mumbling. Finally I heard Quatre's voice, low and insistent, and the door closed. Heero opened the door and entered my room again just as a car blew down the road.

"Shit," I murmured, looking over to the window on my right. "I hope it helped."

"You fucking idiot!"

I flinched again, staring at Heero wide-eyed. He was glaring at _me_ now. What? What had I done?

"How could you?" he continued, coming toward the bed. I had a vision of _him_ strangling me and gaped in terror. "How could you take all the fucking blame? It's not your fault!"

...Huh?

And Heero sat down on the edge of the bed, gently gripped my face in his hands, and kissed me full on the lips. My brain short-circuited completely, frying the few furiously working brain cells. He tasted so good. It wasn't often we kissed, mostly because I was uncomfortable with how quickly everything was changing, but when we did it was pure Heaven.

Heero broke off the kiss and leaned back, staring hard into my eyes. "Duo," he murmured, "how could you? You were hurting, too."

It was such a simple phrase. I had no idea why it made my insides melt. "But that was because of me – I was hurting because of me. Self-inflicted wounds. But Quatre..."

"Those wounds were his own, as well," Heero sighed. "Just as my wounds are mine alone. My fear, my love, my hope. It hurt, but it was my heart, mine, that hurt me. You can't alter another person's emotions, Duo. Quatre's pain was his own burden. They weren't your fault."

"But if I'd stayed-"

"If? Please, Duo, don't give me any if's. I'm too happy with how things are right now to worry about how they might be different if we'd walked different paths." He pressed his forehead to mine. I could smell his breath, could breathe it in with my own lungs. I could feel his heat, smell his skin. I wished, so very badly, that I could lift my arms and touch him. But I knew it would be too painful to try. My ribs made even the thought of moving torture.

"You're... happy? With this?"

Heero hummed a light affirmative. "Why wouldn't I be?"

His eyes were so close they were blurry. I couldn't see them. I closed my eyes and brought that cobalt hue to mind. "Trowa," I said simply.

He hummed again, but this time in annoyance. "He'll either learn, or he won't be welcome here."

"Heero!" I gasped and tried to pull away.

"No, you don't," he whispered, pulling my head back into place beneath his. "I mean it. He's hurting you. He's saying everything you fear. And you believe him. Gods, I can't stand that you believe him." He leaned up and kissed my forehead again, a feather-light touch. "What am I going to do with you?"

I almost shrugged, but my ribs sent a warning before I could make that mistake. "Heero, he's right. I hurt Quatre – I knew leaving would hurt him and I did it anyway. And it was for my own selfish reasons. I-"

"Shush, dammit. Every human being on this planet has the right to be a little selfish."

I tried to argue again, but Heero just growled a warning. So we lapsed into silence, our foreheads warming each other. I slipped into sleep with the peace of Heero's presence beside me.


	3. Book of Days

Disclaimer: You people _do_ know that I don't own Gundam Wing... right?

* * *

Sub Rosa

Chapter Three

Book of Days

* * *

Wufei was still there, I learned, and stayed for dinner. They usually joined me in my room, torturing me by eating delicious Heero-made food while I swallowed down the bile that was my hospital-recommended diet. But that evening they stayed away. I knew why. I knew they were discussing Trowa and the conversation Heero had eavesdropped on. I knew it wouldn't be good.

I also knew they wouldn't listen to anything I had to say on the matter.

When they were finished talking to each other, they had the good grace to come into my room and hang out for a bit, but they were studiously observant of where the flow of conversation was going and headed off all my attempts at channeling the subject.

It was about an hour later that Wufei managed an almost graceful escape, reminding Heero of something he needed for tomorrow. Heero had agreed to do a bit of desk work at home in lieu of going to work, so he ended up with all of the paperwork.

I turned my eyes to him. "He's scared, Heero."

Heero sighed. Of course he knew who I was speaking about. "I know. But so am I." His fists clenched again as he admitted those words.

"You? Of what?"

Heero's eyes were piercing through me again. "You." At my gaping look, he continued. "I can't lose you. Not to anything. Not to Caribol, not to Greaves. Not to your own fears. The idea that one of ours is trying to push you away from me..." His lips quirked, but they lacked the humor necessary to maintain the lift. "Of course I'm going to be scared. I can see it in your eyes, the decision to stay or leave, hoping that going away will make everything all right between us." My eyes bugged a bit. It was scary, how much Heero saw. "I'll tell you now, though, Duo. If you leave, our group will be destroyed. Permanently."

I knew he was speaking the truth. The look in his eyes couldn't be questioned. "But why?"

Heero glared at me. "Why? Duo, I finally got you back. After _three years_. I can't..." The pain in his eyes was laid bare for a split second. "I can't lose you again."

It surprised me, these moments when Heero's feelings for me were plain to see. After years... and then having returned and still seeing nothing... and now it was right _there_. The words, the actions, the expressions. "Heero," I breathed.

He leaned forward. "Duo, I know you feel like you aren't a part of our team, but you _are_. And you're an important part. Don't... please don't let Trowa take you away from us."

I frowned and turned away from him, glaring at the wall. "He's just scared," I said again, unwilling to let it go entirely.

Heero sighed and relaxed a bit in his seat. I think he saw my desire to stay somehow. "I know. I know that, Duo. But his fear is hurting you. And that's unforgivable."

His tone made my eyes flick back to him. It was incredible how eyes that could look so dead could burn so brilliantly. They glared down at me, not in anger, but in... possessiveness. Possessiveness and protectiveness. Those eyes said he wanted to defend me. I couldn't help but blush. It was nice, the warmth it made me feel.

Heero stood. "In any case, I think Quatre and Trowa are having a hard time."

"No shit?" I swallowed back the rest of my retorts, but Heero still cocked a brow at me and grinned. I grinned back and continued. "Are they going to break up?"

Heero frowned. "I don't know."

That was very close to being a 'yes.' "You do know," I murmured, "that if they _do_ break up... it'll be on my head."

Heero downright snarled at me. "No, dammit. It won't. It's between them; it's their decision. Not yours. You didn't force them apart."

I wanted to disagree, but I knew Heero would rip me a new one. So I switched to a different tactic. "Be that as it may," and only _may_, "Trowa would have a different opinion."

If anything, the snarl grew louder. "He can kiss it." Heero looked out the window as if he could direct his ire down the streets, through Quatre's car and into Trowa's bloodstream.

The words surprised me so much I started chuckling.

Heero turned to glare at me. "What the hell's so funny?" he groused.

I shook my head. "I just never expected to hear those words from you, Mr. Stoic."

He relaxed again and smiled. "Stoic, hm?" He came to my bedside and stared down at me. Oddly enough, I didn't get a vulnerable feeling; rather the warmth returned. Slowly he leaned down, putting the weight of his upper body on the bed. And then we kissed.

I wished, almost desperately, that I could hold him, pull him down. But Heero took care of it for me, leaning down until our chests touched, until I felt his warmth all over me. I moaned in appreciation. I think he chuckled.

Finally he pulled away and I smiled at him, feeling a little light-headed and dizzy. "Maybe I should call you stoic more often," I muttered. He grinned and pecked me on the lips.

"Rest," he ordered softly.

"Hummm," I said mindlessly. It took all of two minutes for me to comply to his order.

* * *

I awoke a few hours later to the smell of steak. I began drooling approximately .01 seconds later.

I experimented for a second, trying to see if I could prop myself up on my own. Of course I couldn't; it was foolish to even try. I couldn't help but cry out, even as I swallowed back the worst of it. It was only a short, gasping cry, and if I'd been smart I would've held even that back. Heero, with his superhuman abilities, must have heard, because he pounded in as if Cerberus was chewing on his heels.

"Duo," he gasped, slamming open the door as if he'd heard gunfire. He zeroed in on my face, on my hands still clenched in the sheets, elbows raised. His eyes narrowed. I gave him a weak grin, but he stomped over to the side of my bed and glared down at me.

"Oops," I whispered. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. I took the chance to rearrange myself. Even that had me grimacing. Shit, shit, shit.

"Duo, what the hell were you thinking?"

"Can't get better without..." I started, but I had to take a time out.

Those eyes opened, still glaring but more concerned now. "Duo, you can't push yourself. You've taken far too much damage... if you keep this up, it may become permanent."

I scowled. "Really, doctor? Thanks for the lecture."

He didn't even smile. "I'm serious, Duo. Stop trying to force yourself to get better and leave it to us."

"That's just it!" I snapped. I had no idea why I was yelling at him – probably because he was the one in the room. "This is _my_ problem. I don't care about your all-for-one bullshit; this is _mine_." I closed my eyes and hissed. "I knew it – I _knew_ it. As soon as I settled down, I knew this would happen." I was a fool. Why had I returned and stayed? I would take the burning agony of loss if it meant keeping everyone safe from my enemies. Hell, if I was going to think like that – why the fuck did I become a bounty hunter? I was such an idiot.

I wasn't even paying attention, so it took me by surprise when Heero's lips pressed against my forehead. He knelt beside me and gently took my hand. "You always want to take everything on yourself," he whispered. I turned my head to look at him and found troubled cobalt orbs staring back at me. "You always want to take the burden. But don't you know how much it hurts us to see you do it?"

I flinched. It shocked another hiss of pain through my lips.

"Sorry," he whispered, then louder, "but it's true. You can't understand... from the sidelines, watching you take on the world..."

I shook my head. Shit. I was getting a headache. Anything else? Might as well throw it all on my shoulders at once and be done with it. "No. Not me. _You_." I seemed to shock him with that, so I continued. "You always took on everything – like the war was yours and yours alone to win. That day... when you..." I couldn't say it; I couldn't mention that hellish day when I watched him explode before my very eyes. I shivered.

Heero's eyes seemed to engage a bit; he nodded. "I think I know..."

I nodded jerkily. "That day... I saw you take on..." I couldn't continue in that vein. Why was I so emotional? So angry, then so upset. I was like a girl on PMS. "I know what it's like," I whispered finally, "to watch someone you care about take on a burden too heavy to bear. You think _I'm_ taking on too many burdens? These enemies are _mine_, and mine alone. _I_ made them turn against me. You... you took the war and twisted it in your mind... made it something only _you_ could defeat. I could only watch as it... as it destroyed you."

Heero was still for a moment, silent. Then he gently touched my hand. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing departed from his lips and finally he gave up. He rested his head on my hand, moving his fingers to play up and down my arm. "I'm sorry," he breathed, a small gust against the sheets.

I tried to stop. I saw how my words were hurting him, but suddenly I needed him to understand. The pain... the anguish of wondering. "Every time you were out of my sight I worried. I feared. You were supposed to be invincible, and for a long time, I thought you were. You were... incredible. Able to do the impossible. But then that day..." I shivered, but this time I didn't notice the pain. "That happened, and suddenly you were human to me. Too human. And..."

Heero said nothing. He was still as stone beside me. I wondered if he was breathing.

"And I didn't know that I would ever..." I had to stop again to get my breath. It was so hard to think about it, to remember. So painful. "When I saw you again, saw you face-to-face and knew that you'd survived..." My breath was ragged now. "I was so... so relieved." I relived briefly the overwhelming thankfulness I'd felt. "But you still acted the same... still acted invincible. As if you were immortal." My voice was becoming accusing.

"I never thought I would live," he whispered.

I cringed at it. Those words were razor-sharp. "You had to," I said fiercely. "You _had_ to. I needed you to live. But you never let me too close... you always had a wall I couldn't break, and I wasn't always there to..." I stopped again. "I was always so scared, Heero. I always wondered if I would see you on the next mission... or if all I would see was a news report..."

Heero's fingers stilled on my arm. He was silent for a beat before he whispered, "you were on the news once."

I remembered that; being beaten to holy hell and then cavorted off by ugly-ass soldiers in their puke-boring uniforms. I hadn't been able to see the crowd well; it had been difficult to see past the bruises and black eye and swelling. But I remembered, very clearly, Heero coming to rescue me. "Yeah," I managed.

"I can't describe the terror," he continued. "It was so crippling I wondered if it would be safe to go to you, even to..." His voice dropped to a small breath, "to kill you."

I nodded. I remembered that, too – Heero coming in, calling me a liability. I had told him to go ahead and kill me, and he'd raised his hand... I'd thought he'd actually been ready to pull the trigger.

"But I couldn't leave you there. I told myself it was because you were a weakness, a loose thread that needed to be cut." I chuckled humorlessly at that, but Heero didn't. "But when I got there and saw you... I just _couldn't_." He looked up to me and scowled. His eyes were red, but there were no tears. "I couldn't fucking pull that trigger. My hand locked. I... froze." He looked away from me. His fingers slid away to clench into fists. "For a soldier to be unable to kill..."

"I'm very glad you didn't," I told him, smiling slightly. Heero's eyes flickered to me and away again.

"It was terrifying," he admitted harshly. "To realize that I cared so much for you that I couldn't shoot, even though you were a huge liability and I hadn't..." He took a breath. "That I'd been so stupid as to walk into OZ without any plan whatsoever but to get to you... it was the most foolish thing I'd ever done."

I grinned at him. The patented Maxwell grin, the grin that came straight from hell. "I did worse."

He looked at me and frowned. "I know. I worried about you constantly. It was frustrating. There were times during a mission that my mind would falter, that I would wonder if you were faring well."

I was shocked by this. He'd worried about me? "I..."

Then he scowled and stood bullet-straight. "Dammit, Duo, you got me side-tracked again."

I just blinked up at him, confused. "What?"

He raked a hand through his hair and glared down at me. "You can't tell me you didn't know what you were doing."

"What I was doing?" I parroted.

He took a long, hard look at me and sighed. "Was it truly that automatic?"

I shook my head. "Uh, what? Weren't we talking?"

"Yes – about you being stupid and about your problems being mine."

I thought back to that and scowled, as well. "No, they aren't."

Heero rolled his eyes and started pacing by the bed. I envied him the ability to do that. "Duo, dammit, yes, they are. You said you understood, that you'd felt the same fear... dammit, Duo, I can't do this anymore!"

I felt my heart stop. I stared at him in horror as he continued pacing without pause and felt the most indescribable pain lance through me. I'd hoped. I'd hoped, and I'd let myself fall completely and irrevocably in love with him all over again. And now... now I was paying for it. Now I felt the pain, so much worse than I'd remembered, hitting me. He couldn't take me anymore? Because of all of my problems, all of my mistakes...

I felt my chest burning and realized I wasn't breathing. I closed my eyes and concentrated solely on air. It burned worse when I finally succeeded.

"I can't, I can't, dammit! All of this worrying..."

I let his voice fade, no longer soothing in its cadences. I gasped for air like a fish. It was hard, so hard, to continue something so mundane and necessary as breathing.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, the most I could do. I hated the tears in my eyes. They were a weakness. Men didn't cry.

"Duo, dammit-"

I heard him cut off abruptly, like a fuse blown. I had to stare up at the ceiling to keep the water in my eyes from dribbling down my face.

Then there were hands touching my cheeks. Warm. Soft. They forced my head to move, to turn to the side. The damn tears escaped. Heero's face warbled in my vision, but his voice, trembling and afraid, was as piercing as ever. "Duo?"

His hands, I noticed, were trembling against my skin. "I'm sorry," I whispered again. I gave him another grin, a shadow of the Jester. "I'm sorry I'm such a burden."

The trembling increased for a short second. I thought he was trying to assess me, to figure me out again. I took a deep breath and swallowed back the rest of the tears that were desperate to humiliate me.

But then something must have clicked, because Heero cursed low in his throat and leaned down. His kiss wasn't gentle, like they usually were, but desperate. It grabbed me up in its maelstrom, almost swallowing me whole. I think I panicked, for just a split second. And then it gentled, almost as if he'd felt my fear, and his hands were cupping my face to his. They didn't roam – I was still recovering, after all – but they did touch my cheeks, then moved up to my temples, then gently slid into my hair, pulled back in its usual braid. The kiss deepened. He moved his mouth a certain way and... and suddenly he was just that much closer and I could _feel_ him. I think I moaned.

Heero broke it off and we stayed there, foreheads pressed together, both of us gasping for breath. "No, love," he managed. "That's not what I meant."

I struggled to speak. "I don't know what's wrong with me," I whispered. "I'm... I'm fucking hormonal or something."

Heero chuckled. "You have meds, an IV... love, I think you're getting some side effects." He pulled himself back up to look down at me.

I snorted. "Impossible. I was trained..." I thought about it. "I was trained to withstand any drug."

"Any but Zadrithal," Heero said softly.

I frowned. I'd never heard of that one before. "What's that?"

"That, love," Heero sighed, "would be one of your pain meds."

I scowled. "Why didn't I hear about that?" I controlled my anger by sheer force of will.

Heero shook his head. "I'd told you, about five times. I believe your words were, 'I don't give a fuck, just drug me.'" He quirked a small grin at my narrowed gaze. "So I did." He brushed a few bangs from my forehead. "Other than the mood swings-" his fucking lips quirked "-do you feel anything?"

I did a quick inventory. "A headache," I confirmed. "Shit. This sucks."

Heero pecked me on the lips. "I'll ask the doctor if I can give you something for that. Duo, I honestly didn't mean it like that. It's true that I'm... I'm worried." I gave him a look that told him I knew the editing he'd gone through on that one. He quirked me a quick grin. "But it's because... I'm afraid that you're going to... to go off on your own again. I can't..." He stopped and struggled for words. "If you left me here again, I don't know..."

"Don't know if you'd be able to be with me?" I whispered, my voice getting quieter and quieter the further it continued.

"No!" Heero barked, then immediately calmed when I flinched. "No. Dammit, Duo, don't you understand that I can't lose you again?" He touched my cheek and sighed. His eyes were deep with something I couldn't quite read. "These problems of yours... if they're trying to pull you away from me, then I _have_ to step forward. Gods, no, it's more than that. Duo..." He sighed again and penetrated me with his gaze. "Duo, your pain is my pain. Don't you understand? Seeing you hurt cripples me." He kissed me on the forehead again, but this time his lips lingered there. I didn't even breathe. "Seeing you here like this... Duo, I can't tell you how much it hurts me. The fact that I haven't been hurt and you're here, so..." His voice wobbled. "So damaged... love, it kills me."

I felt a pain sweep me up, a pain so overwhelming it was sweet. I didn't want him hurting, but the thought that he felt that way... and his lips, soft against my skin... his fingers, sweeping lightly through my hair, gentle and warm... I could feel the heat from his body. I could smell his breath and knew he'd been sampling his food-

"The steak!" I shouted suddenly, shocking Heero into an upright position. I turned to him, deliberately breaking the mood. "The steak – go save the steak!"

"Duo," Heero started, but I cut him off.

"We can continue this after you save the steak. I want steak."

Heero's lips flickered up despite his efforts to keep them down. I could see the relief and humor hit those eyes. "All right."

"Steak!" I added for good measure.

He laughed outright. "I love you, Duo," he said warmly as he stood.

I was caught just off-guard enough to not know how to respond. Finally I managed, "forever," and he left.


	4. One By One

Disclaimer: You people _do_ know that I don't own Gundam Wing... right?

* * *

Sub Rosa

Chapter Four

One By One

* * *

*******Two Years Earlier*******

**-  
**

"Chang!" Heero yelled, taking the short chance to check on his injured partner. Wufei was dodging the man's attacks, but it was only a matter of time...

_Dracul_. He was strong. Not impossible to defeat, no, because Heero could see weaknesses in the man's defenses. It was just that he was so _fast_. It was so hard to take advantage of those weaknesses before time was up and the opening was gone...

_Duo._

Had Duo felt this same frustration before...-

_No!_

He shot at Dracul, making the man dodge and negate his attack on Wufei. He twirled on Heero, turning his gun to face him. Wufei shot, making Dracul dodge again.

_Duo wouldn't have survived on his own_, Heero's mind calculated. _As skilled as we are..._

He felt a tearing in his heart, one strong enough to crush him. He heard himself gasp in pain.

"Heero!"

He rolled on instinct, heard the slam of a bullet hitting the earth. He flicked his glance out, taking in Dracul's position. He fired, but Dracul had already moved.

"Not bad, fools!" Dracul chortled. "But I'll take you out right here and now – I'll finally be free!" He moved again, impossible to follow perfectly-

Heero moved without thinking. He couldn't think – not yet. He couldn't let himself imagine yet. He just leaped from his roll and ran straight toward Dracul.

"Making yourself a distraction?!" Dracul demanded. "Won't work!" He raised that gun of his, black as the damned man's soul, and fired.

* * *

*******Present*******

**-  
**

So you all knew it couldn't last forever, right? You knew it was only a matter of time, just a matter of days before everything went to hell and the small, minuscule moment of peace we'd managed to grasp would come tumbling down all around us?

And it was all my fault.

It started the next day – a normal day, at first. The steak had been delicious, but morning had come and damned if it wasn't time to eat again. With my recovering health I could only endure so much solid food, but I refused to eat any more shitty liquids.

Heero and I ignored the conversation from yesterday, upset, I think, with what we'd shared with one another. At least that was the case for me. Heero seemed to be mulling it all over in that assessing brain of his. I was a little afraid of whatever the hell it would be that he'd figure out this time. I just couldn't bring myself to bring it up, and he kept his silence, as well.

I got a visit from my personal sadist and took a nap afterwards. I woke up once when Heero opened the door, but he paused when he saw I was asleep and quietly left.

It made me sigh.

The next few days were like that – quiet, introspective days where we seemed to tiptoe around each other more and more. Wufei came over constantly to report to Heero about whatever-it-was they were working on. The two of them would sometimes talk into all hours of the night.

I did not see Quatre again.

What did I do to change everything? Well, I tried again, for one thing. And for another, I left the window open.

Yeah... I got up out of my bed, opened the curtains, and passed out. I don't remember it clearly – there was the grinding pain lancing up and down my body, but this time I had the common sense to stifle my screams completely and I managed to get all the way to the window – ooh, how wondrous – and opened it. I got the chance to see a flash of blue – sky, I'm positive – and then I was out like I'd been beaten in the skull with the butt of a rifle.

I woke up feeling about the same way.

Heero was by the bed, and I was looking up at him as he worriedly stared at the floor. This told me that he'd found me. This also told me we were going to have a fight. I closed my eyes and sighed. "Morning," I muttered.

I heard the chair squeak as he jerked in reaction. Then I heard him stand. "Duo, dammit! How could you do this?"

It had been five days since the last time he'd spoken to me so... well, maybe intimately wasn't the best word, but it seemed like it was just then. I shrugged and to hell with the pain. "I've gotten better," I reported, completely ignoring his question.

"And it will be for nothing if you keep up that bullshit!" Heero snapped at me. I found it odd – why had he ignored me this past week, only to worry about me now? The last time he'd spoken to me about my injuries, he'd told me he'd gotten a pill to combat those damnable side-effects.

"It'll be worth nothing if I don't get better," I said primly. I lifted up my arm to see how far it would go.

"Damn you! Stop!"

Heero grabbed my arm – a firm hold that was so gentle it didn't even hurt – and carefully pushed it back down. "What the hell are you doing this for?"

If I wanted to get really introspective, I could have told him that I didn't want to be the only one trapped and alone, desperately waiting for someone to join me. I couldn't possibly tell him that I missed the blessed loneliness of my Wing, how badly I needed to get the hell back to my home. Watching Heero move around me was just fucking painful.

Instead I said, "because I have to be ready to fight."

Heero's eyes blazed, and I tensed for an attack that would leave a lesser man in sniveling pieces. But he surprised me, as he always did: instead of scorching me with his tongue, he left me with blistering cold. His eyes went dead. The Perfect Soldier. "You are useless as you are. Trying to change your situation won't work. Admit your weakness and stay out of our way."

I just lied there in that bed for a moment, then sent him a smile so wide I hoped it blinded him. "Kiss my ass, Yuy."

His fists clenched. Those eyes didn't change. With careful deliberation, he turned around and left.

I let the smile linger a while after that door carefully closed. I couldn't tell him all of my insecurities, just as he couldn't tell me any of his. We'd gotten too close to doing such a thing and it had separated us. If we tried again, we may find our tenuous relationship severed altogether. And I wouldn't be able to withstand such a pain.

* * *

And this would be where my second mistake came in.

Because I'd left that stupid fucking window shade open, whatever the enemy was waiting for had somehow been taken care of. I awoke dramatically and with bullets flying.

I rolled out of the bed instinctively, hitting the floor and... collapsing. I think I gasped. I didn't let myself scream.

Let's recap this real quick, okay? My stomach and arm and leg – yes, leg, because Greaves had gotten some good fucking licks in – were stitched so badly I looked like Sally from _The Nightmare Before Christmas_. I had similar, if less horrific, wounds all over my body. I was Frankenstein's monster and a mummy smashed together. My little trek had been more exertion than my sadistic therapist had let me do in days.

So I wasn't really able to stand up, okay? I was only able to crouch behind that stupid fucking bed and pray the bullets weren't as strong as I thought they were. If I took another fucking injury, I might just throw my hands up in defeat. I was tired of being weak and useless. I'd had my share.

I heard footsteps outside the door, but they passed by and I knew Heero was moving to take out the perp. I had no idea why that made me afraid – if anyone could take out an army without injury, it was Heero. One guy shouldn't pose too much of a problem.

But still... still, I couldn't ignore the adrenaline punch of panic that pulsed through me in that instant.

Bullets ripped through the bed and I had to roll under the bed itself. Bullets slammed into the floor through the carpet. I grimaced; Heero's house was getting torn to shreds. Fuck. Another sin on my shoulders.

I wished I had a gun.

I heard two gunshots that differed from the normal rat-a-tat of the automatic. Heero. The constant rip of bullets silenced. The room went still. I waited a few minutes, tensely listening as the noises of the night resumed, but there was no continuation. No more noise; no more worries. I rolled from underneath the bed and tried to stand.

With a sharp cry, I fell straight back to the floor.

"Duo!"

I was getting so utterly sick and tired of hearing my name in that tone of voice. Heero's pounding footsteps returned to the doorway, but this time instead of passing by he threw open the door and raced towards me. I couldn't even crouch; there was no way I could look him in the eye.

"Duo!" He knelt down beside me and gently, ever so gently lifted me up. I had to bite my lip to not scream. "Duo, did you get hit?" He laid me down on the bed.

I caught the careful phrasing of his question. After all, it would be ridiculous to ask me if I was hurt. The answer would be an irrefutable 'yes'. That was plain. But whether I had a _new_ injury, well, that wasn't. Because I _was_ bleeding. "Fine," I mumbled, but the word was a little too breathy for my tastes. I tried again. "I'm fine." A bit better.

"Bullshit," he said lightly, but it was a kinder tone. I peeked up at him through my heavy eyelids. He was staring at me strangely, like I would disappear if he looked away. Those eyes of his were even more intent than usual.

Then he grabbed my hand and collapsed at the side of the bed.

"Heero!" I yelped, pushing myself up. His head rested on the side of the bed, face down so that it _had_ to be difficult to breathe. That hand gripped mine with such fierceness it shocked me that it wasn't too tight.

"Don't move!" he snapped, his order cold. It made me freeze. "Don't move," he said again, this time almost too soft to hear. "Dammit. Dammit!" He let go of my hand and clenched the sheets. I heard a ripping sound. "I'm so stupid!"

"Uh, what?" I shifted a bit; damn but it was uncomfortable to lay down on a bed covered with bullet holes. "Heero?"

"What have I been doing?" he murmured aloud. "What the hell is wrong with me?"

"Uhh..." I ignored his order and tried to sit up. "Heero-"

Without looking he pushed me back down. "Please don't." It was the quiet, oddly desperate sound to his voice that had me acquiescing, even more than the 'please.' "I'm sorry."

"Huh?" I reached out, confused, and awkwardly patted him on the head. "Uh, why?"

Heero chuckled, though I think it was forced out for my benefit. "For being afraid."

I tried to wrap my head around this. "Uh, Heero, it might be because I'm drugged, but I am so definitely not following you right now."

"Duo," he sighed, "I left you alone in here because I was afraid..." He struggled to continue as my mind clicked into place. Suddenly the discomfort I was in didn't register as much as it had. "Not because we were beginning to share our secrets, but because..." he hesitated again, "because you seemed so uncomfortable with it... I was afraid that, if I pushed..."

I sighed then, as well. "You know, Heero, I was scared, too." It was a lot easier to admit to my fear now that Heero had opened up. I told myself I wouldn't let it come to this anymore. I would be the one to speak up from now on, no matter how much it hurt me to. "I thought I'd chased you away."

He looked up, shocked, I think, to hear me say that. "Of course not!" he argued. "I was so happy... that I could finally hear your _true_ thoughts..."

I looked away, unable to bear that slightly-horrified look on his face as he tried to imagine what I was saying. "But..." I shook my head. "I thought, 'maybe this is too much.' I thought that I might have crossed a line somewhere, something that said I'd pushed too hard. You were trained not to feel. You couldn't have miraculously recovered-"

"And you were trained to always hide," he argued. "Just like me – we both hid who we were behind our... masks." I quirked a grin at him; I'd always called it a mask, a persona that I threw on when I needed it. I found it interesting that he'd done the same, whether for me or not. "I'm glad when I hear something from the real you, no matter how... painful... it is for me to learn. It's _you_."

I had to grin at him. "So why are you stupid again?"

His eyes clouded immediately. "Because I got into a petty squabble with you... and I could have lost you."

I blinked at him. That was why? He'd been scared to lose me without... I laughed. "'Squabble?'" I quoted. He glared at me. "Heero..." I raised my hand. Heero shouted a warning, but I ignored it and gently touched his cheek. "Thank you," I said finally. "For coming back to me."

Heero closed his eyes and leaned into my hand, not enough to put weight on it, but enough for it to curve around his face just right. "Always," he promised.

I let my hand fall. It was shaking, and Heero would crow if he found out. "I'm sorry to get you involved in all this," I told him. "I made so many enemies out there... it was stupid of me to become a bounty hunter, to make a life like I did. Now I've put you all in danger."

"Duo." Heero reached out to touch, then pulled back and ran that hand through his hair. "We've racked up our share of enemies-"

"Not the same," I argued, even though I knew he already knew that. "Plus, just knowing Black Strike is here is enough to get them to come. With me injured, there might as well be a flashing neon sign saying, 'come kill me!'" I laughed at the thought. Heero didn't seem to think it was all that funny, though.

"Then I'll kill them all."

I looked up in shock to see, not the Perfect Soldier's face, but _my_ Heero's face, staring at the window. "What...?"

"Let's get you out of this room," he said brusquely, standing up. Then he leaned down to pick me up again.

Let's get this straight: when he picked me up, it would be because I couldn't pick _myself_ up. His hands were thoroughly obsessed with not hurting me, and his gundanium arms were able to hold me easily. All that didn't change the fact that I got really, really disturbed when Heero was all around me and his scent was invading my very pores and I could _feel_ him like this. What was humiliating was that I was far too injured to follow up on my senses' desires. My doctor, when I had asked him (God, my face had been red), had said it may take a few weeks, maybe a couple of months. Shoot me.

So Heero carried me over into _his_ room and damned if I didn't almost freak out when he placed me in his bed and pulled the covers down. "Let me see your wounds."

I gave him a half-crazed look and mutely shook my head.

He sighed. "Duo, you're bleeding."

Yeah. That would probably be because I pulled some stitches. I was _not_ looking forward to telling my doctor that. "U-Uh..."

Heero's lips quirked. "We'll worry about that sort of thing later."

I flushed so hard I think I steamed.

He chuckled at me and deftly ran his hands over my stomach. The muscles jumped like they'd been burned. I hissed. "Sorry," he murmured. Then he lifted the shirt and I felt something completely different try ineffectually to stir. How humiliating.

His inspection didn't pause, so I guessed the stitches there were fine. Thank goodness. But when he got to my leg – courtesy of Greaves – he stopped.

And then he said it: "shit."

"That bad, huh?" I quipped, but he was silent.

Finally Heero pulled his head up and stared at me. There was no doubt that his stare was assessing. Waiting. "Duo... how many enemies did you make?"

I thought about it. "Did you hear about all of the missions Une gave me?"

Heero nodded.

"Well..." I thought about it for a second. "Those were usually the most dangerous, but they only counted for about a quarter of my jobs." I shrugged as Heero hissed. Later on, it had been normal for me to get a job a month – pretty damn lucrative – from Une alone. "Hey, man, I was the best out there. Period."

Heero's eyes clenched in worry. "Dammit..."

I laughed, though my chest felt claustrophobic. "Yeah, it _was_ kinda stupid..."

Then Heero's eyes turned sad and glared at the sheets. I almost expected them to go up in flames. "You..." He shook his head. "I'll get this fixed; they're just pulled a bit. I doubt you want to get ripped a new one by your doctor."

I beamed at him, relieved. "Yeah. Being in mortal peril wouldn't be a good enough excuse for him."

Heero looked about ready to say something again, but he swallowed it back and left to get the med kit in the bathroom. I watched him go with a frown stuck on my lips. I was scaring him. And why not? I'd made his life miserable. I had to find a way to stop all this.

For that, I had to be able to recover. And quick. There was no time left.


	5. Only If

Disclaimer: You people _do_ know that I don't own Gundam Wing... right?

* * *

Sub Rosa

Chapter Five

Only If...

* * *

*******Two Years Ago*******

**-  
**

Three blasts, all in quick succession. Their echoes had hardly died down when voices filled the air.

"Oh my God!"

"What happened?"

"What's going on?"

"Why are they fighting? The war's over!"

"Heero!"

Footsteps slammed into the ground. "Heero! Are you all right?" And someone touched his shoulder.

He took in a careful breath. "Wufei..."

Those hands ran over his body. "It's okay." Wufei sighed loudly in relief. "It worked, you crazy bastard. I nicked his wrist just enough for it to miss any organs. He's definitely dead. Good job."

Heero shook his head. He didn't care about the bastard he'd shot through the forehead or the pain lancing up and down his chest. His hands balled into fists. "Wufei..."

"Hm? Yes? What is it, Heero?"

Blindly Heero snagged the man's shirt. "Wufei... there's no way... Duo..."

He felt it. Wufei immediately tensed, almost as if spasming. "No, we can't think like that," he said firmly, but Heero knew Wufei too well. He heard the same desperate fear in Wufei's voice. Because his partner had seen it, too – how impossible it would have been for one of them to survive against that man all on their own.

"He can't," Heero gasped. "He _can't_..."

"Heero, I'm calling an ambulance," Wufei said firmly. Heero distinctly heard the cell phone being flipped open, the terse instructions. But he didn't care. None of it mattered.

Because Duo... Duo couldn't have survived.

He almost screamed at the pain of it, the feel of his heart ripping to shreds, clawed by pain and horror. He clutched at it and gratefully succumbed to darkness.

* * *

*******Present*******

**-  
**

Heero got a call from Une the next morning.

It went something like this:

"_Commander Une."_

"_Yuy, you and Maxwell are to get your asses over here _now_."_

"_He's injured."_

"_Then I'll give him an extra ten minutes in case he has to crawl."_

Or something to that effect.

So Heero picked me up like I was some sort of blushing bride – or at least the _blushing_ half – and carried me out of the house and to his car, and we went to Preventors HQ. I believe we made it to, oh, the parking lot before we got into a fight.

"You aren't carrying me in there," I snapped, not giving an inch.

"Duo, you aren't-"

"I said no! I'm not going in there hanging in your arms like some sort of – Heero, dammit, I said no!"

But Heero ignored me, unbuckling his seatbelt and opening his door. I grabbed my seatbelt like a lifeline and glared through my window. He opened the door and glared at me. "You can't walk, Duo."

"Fuck you," I retorted.

Something odd flashed in those eyes. I was disturbed that it wasn't anger, but instead something I couldn't easily categorize. "Now."

"No," I continued stubbornly. My arm was starting to hurt like a motherfucker for clenching the seatbelt too hard. "I'm not going in there like an invalid."

"Duo," Heero sighed, "You _are_ an invalid."

"And would _you_ like that broadcast to anyone with eyes if you were like this?"

Heero hesitated. "No."

I tilted my head back in defiance.

"But," he said immediately, "but doesn't change the fact that you are no condition to-"

"I can make it to the elevator, Heero," I argued. And then sudden inspiration. "Besides, we're in the open here. If you carried me, you wouldn't be able to use your gun."

Heero's eyes flashed. He scowled. "Fine. You win."

I allowed a grim smile before unclenching my hands and unbuckling my seatbelt. Of course my body was stiff as a tree, and I almost fell once I put my full weight on my legs, but hell if I was accepting the hand Heero held out for me. I distinctly heard him sigh as I walked forward.

It was, I admit, a miracle that I managed to make it into the elevator, and I couldn't help but slide to the floor once we were alone inside of it.

"Duo." Heero knelt immediately beside me. "Are you all right?"

I could say yes, but it would be a bold-faced lie. "Uh..."

"Fuck," he breathed. "I'll kill her."

I blinked at him in surprise.

He very, very gently picked me up with a hand on my good arm and tenderly touched my waist. I almost screamed as his hesitant fingers touched my stitches. He felt my flinch and hissed. "Sorry," he whispered.

I said nothing, just kept my weight off my bad leg. Crutches were, after all, impossible with an arm and stomach wound. And I hadn't allowed for a wheelchair. Uh-uh.

After forever, the door opened and the hall leading to Une's office loomed ahead. It was pathetic to be walking down the familiar hall with Heero's arms as my only (and tenuous) balance, biting back a wince with every step.

Une was behind her desk when Heero pushed open the door – with, I noticed, a bit more force than was required – and working on some papers. "Well, I see you made it."

Heero ignored her and helped me to a seat. Despite my best efforts, I winced when I settled down. Only then did Heero sit in his own chair and look over to Une, acknowledging her existence. I didn't need to look over to know that Heero was the Perfect Soldier right now. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the glare in Heero's eyes. Damn but he was pissed.

Une merely cocked a brow. "Yes, Yuy?"

"You realize that you have called Black Strike here despite his injuries and the number of assassins hunting him."

It wasn't a question.

Une steepled her fingers and leaned her elbows on her desk. "That is exactly why I called you two here." She turned to me. I made an effort to block the pain from my eyes. "Black Strike – no, Duo Maxwell – you understand what my calling you here means, don't you?"

My heart skipped – fuck. Oh yeah. I'd forgotten about that little promise I'd made to her. It had been, after all, almost three years ago. I held my breath. "Yes."

Heero was giving me an inquiring look. I very carefully did not turn his way.

Une, too, didn't take her eyes off of mine. "Obviously, their safety is being put into question."

I nodded. It was a very old promise, one made when she, in turn, had promised to keep my identity a secret. "You broke your promise first," I told her.

Her lips thinned.

"What are you two talking about?" Heero demanded.

Une turned to Heero. I expected her to ask him to leave. I didn't expect her to explain. "Duo and I made a promise a long time ago, shortly after he and I began... working together."

I looked away from Heero when he sent me another look.

His tone firmed even more. "And that promise?"

"In return for my keeping Duo's identity a secret," Une started.

I cut in. "In return-" Heero's eyes swept back to me "-I keep my enemies away from her subordinates."

Heero froze for a second almost still-frame, before surging to his feet and glaring at Une. "Is this why you called us down?" he asked quietly.

Une didn't flinch, but I plainly saw her tense. "Yes, it's the main reason."

Heero's fists clenched. "You were the one to show us Black Strike's identity. You ordered us to go with him and protect him on a mission against one of these 'enemies.'"

"I know," she said, but he didn't give her time to continue.

"And yet now you demand he leave?"

Une shook her head. "No. Or at least not permanently. However, while my agents are being attacked and their homes destroyed-"

"I don't care about that."

I glared at him. "Well I do." But I was ignored.

"You are on leave because of this, drastically diminishing the power of my staff."

"I'm only one man," Heero snapped.

"The one man who stopped the Libra from crashing into the Earth," Une snapped. "I need you _here_, and I need you unharmed. If you're being attacked in your own home-"

"Enough," Heero hissed.

"She has a point," I began, but Heero spoke right over me.

"If I have to chain him to a wall, I will not let him leave again."

...what?

I must have made a strange noise, because suddenly Heero's focus was on me again, and he was kneeling by my chair. "Duo?"

I stared at him blankly. He was that desperate for me not to leave? I felt a rush of guilt so powerful it seemed to drown my chest. I'd hurt him so much...

"Agent Yuy, I'm ordering you-"

"If you try that bullshit, I'll quit."

I jerked. Heero hadn't even looked away from me. "Shit, Heero," I gasped, "don't be stupid."

Those eyes were hard. It was getting kind of uncomfortable, having Heero kneeling right there beside me with that kind of look on his face – like nothing could possibly be more important than me. I blushed. "Shut up, Duo."

I glared at him. That had effectively ruined the mood. "No, _you_ shut up. Your house is being destroyed because-"

"I don't give a damn," he informed me blithely. I goggled at him. "You can't fight these enemies as you are, and there's no way in hell I'm letting you leave. Besides, it's as you said." Those eyes didn't flicker from mine for one second. It was truly like I was drowning in them. Sometimes, like now, it truly struck me just how beautiful those eyes could be, swirling with emotions. "You didn't break the promise. She did."

Une made a snarling sound.

"I won't let him leave," Heero said again. "Was there anything else you called us for?"

I couldn't look away to see Une's exact reaction, but there was definitely some glare being thrown at us from over there. "One more thing."

"Make it quick," Heero advised. I doubted many could get away with speaking like that to their boss.

"Fine. Maxwell, Caribol, as you know, if after you. How much do you know about the organization?"

My back hurt. And my stomach. I wondered if one could get bed sores from a chair. Probably. "They're an elite faction, one apparently still maintaining great power even though it is one of the five who's leaders I... _we_ took out. They predominantly traffic drug cartel."

Une pinched the bridge of her nose. "Correct on all accounts. And the report on Greaves?"

Why wasn't Heero looking away from me? It was uncomfortable speaking to Une when those eyes were boring into mine. I cleared my throat and pulled my gaze from his before I forgot how to breathe. "U-Um, well, he'd been sent by Caribol to kill me-"

Heero flinched.

"-but he didn't succeed and he ran away," I added hastily. "And he said something about having been enhanced...?"

"Yes, apparently both genetically and mechanically."

I had to blink once before Une's words managed to sink in. "Wait," I gasped, "like... cyborg?" Ew.

"A bit, yes." Une steepled her fingers and leaned in once more. "Maxwell, your mission against Caribol had been to take down their leader."

I nodded. "That's right. And I had." I knew _that_ without a doubt because I'd seen the guy from only about three meters away while checking out the giant fucking house.

She nodded. "Our men took down the most of their men then, but apparently a few had escaped."

"Of course," I stated sourly.

"These few were the scientists, apparently. They used many people for experimentation and engineering." Une turned to Heero then, "Yuy, listen up." Heero reluctantly turned to her. "Greaves wasn't the only one we saw with enhancements."

Heero's lips thinned as he thought. Suddenly he tensed. "You don't mean..."

Une nodded. "That's right."

Now it was my turn to watch the two talk and not understand a word. I immediately understood Heero's irritation earlier.

"But how?" Heero asked. "Back then, Caribol hadn't been destroyed."

Une shrugged. "But you remember his words, don't you? They mirrored what Maxwell said Greaves spoke of. Moreover, the report of Greaves' abilities has led our Analysis Specialists to believe that the two were likely made by the same company."

Heero hissed.

I tried. I tried very hard. That didn't make my tone any less accusatory. "So when are we going to inform the cripple?"

Heero turned back to me looking slightly chagrined. But then his face changed, like he was in pain. "Duo, remember what I'd told you? About the man who'd said he'd killed you?"

I stilled. "So... wait." I turned to Une then, too. "You think the guy had been used by Caribol?"

Une shrugged. "Why not?"

I shook my head. "Coincidences like that don't actually happen."

"That's why I want _you_ to look into it." She turned to Heero.

I nodded. Damn, my stomach was really starting to _hurt_. "If he and Wufei-"

"You can't be serious," Heero snapped. "Absolutely not – Duo would be without protection-"

"Did I say you and Wufei?" Une demanded. "I said just _you_."

Now I balked. "Then what the hell did you give them partners for?!"

She turned on me with a glare. "Are you going to argue over every single order I issue? I am short a hand because of your injuries, and Caribol's scientists are not to be taken lightly. Now shut up, dammit." And with that, she turned away from me. "Yuy, either do something about this or let Maxwell go, because I am not losing my best men to this unmitigated disaster." She rose. "Now, the two of you, get the hell out of my office."

I stood. "I can still fight," I snapped.

She passed me a sardonic look while Heero growled a quick denial. "Then make yourself useful," she advised.

"Duo, if you even think about fighting," Heero warned.

I turned on him and swallowed back a wince. Standing was hard. "I'm not going to lay back while you and Wufei fight my battles!"

"It's _our_ battle, too!" he snapped.

"No, it's not! And even if it was, you still can't fight them all on your own, and isn't Quatre kind of banned from breathing the same air as me?"

"We can handle this on our own-"

"That's stupid!"

Une slammed her hand on her desk, making us both jump slightly. "_**Get out!**_"

* * *

I fell unceremoniously back into bed and closed my eyes, utterly exhausted. Heero had switched my room after the destruction of the last one, having, apparently, two guest rooms. The hell was with this house?

"Duo."

I moaned a little, acknowledging his presence.

Heero chuckled, seemingly despite himself, and sat on the bed. I cracked an eye open. Heero was hesitating, looking down at the floor. I sighed. "What?"

Those eyes speared me to the bed. "You won't... do anything reckless... will you?"

I laughed. "Me? Never."

Those lips twitched. "Somehow I find that hard to believe."

I grinned. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Heero opened his mouth to argue, then clamped it shut and glared at me. "You're doing it again," he accused.

Evading. I sighed. "Of course I am, Heero." I carefully touched my stomach; it felt like pure fire. "Because she's right-"

"There you go with that martyr bullshit!" Heero snapped. It made me jump, which pulled my stitches like a fucker. I hissed. Heero immediately calmed his voice. "I can't stand it," he started again. His hand touched mine, laying it still on my stomach, infinitely careful. "Neither of you understand. Seeing you like this, hurt... it makes me feel..." Heero seemed to struggle for a moment before he could say it. "Helpless."

I gave him a confused look.

He sighed and released my hand, letting his run through his hair. For a second, a lock stuck straight up before falling into its usual unruly pattern. "How many times will I have to say this before it sinks into that damn stupid skull of yours? I. Love. You. No, don't look away." He lifted my head, forced me to look back into those eyes. "I love you. I'll say it forever, every minute of the day if I have to. I cannot lose you. I refuse. If I have to kill every single criminal on this planet, I will, despite how much I detest having to do so." That gaze was demanding I accept his words. "I _cannot_ feel that way again."

_That way_. Meaning, of course, the way he'd felt when he and the others had believed I had died. I grimaced. "I'm sorry."

My words seemed to confuse him. "What?"

I shifted, slightly uncomfortable. He was, after all, leaning over me while I lied on my back on the bed. I couldn't help but blush and thank God I still couldn't react... even though that, too, was embarrassing. "I'm sorry," I repeated dumbly. Because none of his pain would have existed if I had just sucked it up and stayed. His agony was _my_ fault.

Heero searched my eyes, looking for the reasons why. I carefully guarded myself, too tired to go through the battle I knew we would have. He sighed, defeated. "All right." He leaned down and kissed my forehead. It was stupid to let such a small motion move me so much. "Go to sleep. I'll wake you for lunch."

I nodded and closed my eyes. It was a while before the feeling of his eyes on me faded and the soft click of the door announced his departing.


	6. Evening Falls

Disclaimer: You people _do_ know that I don't own Gundam Wing... right?

* * *

Sub Rosa

Chapter Six

Evening Falls

* * *

Caribol.

My newest enemy, and one I couldn't afford to underestimate. It wasn't because of the fact that I might as well be a vegetable. No, I didn't really care about that. Not compared to the_ real_ concern.

"Duo?"

I winced at the sound of his voice. More than ever, I wished I had chosen a different path. But when before I'd wished I hadn't returned, I'd begun to wish I'd never left to begin with. All of these problems wouldn't exist. And moreover...

"Come on in, Heero."

And of course there was food on a tray in Heero's hands. I didn't let my sadness show in my eyes, knowing Heero would pounce on it. It had been two days since Une had called us to her office and told Heero to get moving, but I knew without a doubt that he was getting ready to go. I'd feigned injury just to keep him here for a bit longer. Pathetic? Yes. But it gave me a couple more days to fuel my reserves. I wouldn't let him go alone.

He sat the tray on the nightstand beside me and, as usual, sat on the edge of the bed. "How are you?" he asked, continuing the ritual he'd started.

I didn't shrug, though I thought I could without too much pain. I didn't want him to know yet just how far I'd progressed. "I'm fine," I told him, knowing very well he equated those words with pain and stoicism. Underneath my fear, I felt like a bastard for using him.

"How are you really?" he continued, checking my forehead for fever. I scowled at him, not liking the kiddie approach.

"Fine," I muttered. "I'm fine." I hadn't gotten any sores from being in Une's office, though the pain had been bad enough that sores were completely unnecessary at that point to get the point across. I wasn't recovered. Not by a long shot. And because of that...

And then my fears came to life. I saw the change in his expression immediately, because I'd been terrified of its eventual release for over forty-eight hours. His face got all pensive. A slight pucker was forming in-between those brows, just enough to make my heart go double-time. He was going to say it. He was going to leave me. To face an enemy of _mine_, one he shouldn't have to worry about defeating.

"Please don't," I whispered.

As soon as I said it, I knew it was unfair. Heero went still on the bed, not even breathing. I felt worse than I had by using him. In that one sharp instant, I hated myself.

I mean, what was wrong with me? Heero went on missions like this all the time. Sure he had Wufei, but he'd gone on solo missions during the war and he'd come out without a fucking scratch. I was being a baby. A controlling baby. The kind of boyfriend that didn't let his love interest go out without him knowing where he or she was every minute. I was deranged.

So I backpedaled. Heero was still as a statue, unable, I think, to move yet. I took advantage of his continued silence. "Sorry," I blurted first. "Sorry, I'm sorry. I know it's your job. It's not like I doubt your abilities or anything. I'd have to be stupid to doubt those... well, maybe I am stupid, but I don't doubt them and I'm sure you'll be perfectly fine..."

But that was a lie, and we both knew it. If I was sure he'd be fine, I wouldn't have just begged him to stay. Jesus I was such an ass.

I charged through. "And, uh, I know you're a Preventor and that it's your job. And I have no problem with that. It's just that... I wish... I mean, knowing Wufei's there, that he's got your back... it makes me feel... easier." Like that made any sense.

Heero still didn't move. "You don't trust me to come back," he murmured, as if talking to the air. I didn't even see his lips move. But of course Heero The Perfect Soldier could speak without moving his lips.

I couldn't hide the flinch his words inflicted. Not because of the truth of the words – I'd already acknowledged that – but because of the image they placed in my head. I didn't want to imagine Heero in a puddle of blood. "That's not quite it," I whispered. "But... even if I had no injuries... wouldn't you be afraid, if I were the one going in alone?"

The silence was absolutely maddening. I wished I could just crack open Heero's skull and read the thoughts inside his brain. It would probably be entertaining enough to start a sitcom.

Finally he sighed and moved out of that stone-frozen stance. "Yes," he admitted. "I would."

I sighed, too, in relief. Yet my heart was burdened. "But you're going."

"Yes."

I shivered and was oddly thankful that I didn't flinch in pain. I couldn't make him wait any longer. But at least I could stand up – probably. "You won't go alone," I said firmly.

"Duo-"

"No," I said quickly. "I mean, even though Quatre's not allowed around me, and I highly doubt Trowa would like being away from him just in case he tried to come see me again, wouldn't it be okay if he went with you?"

Heero blinked at me. "Duo, Quatre is a representative of the colonies. He can't go near a-"

Fuck that," I snapped. "It's better to go together, right? Trowa can tag along and Quatre can have all the protection in the Universe." I was certain I was sounded like an asshole. "I don't care _what_ it takes, Yuy. You're coming back safe."

Heero imitated a deer for a moment before smiling brilliantly at me. Almost too fast for me to follow, he leaned forward and kissed my forehead. "I love you, too," he breathed, warming my skin. I shivered.

Then the subject was dropped and Heero lifted me up and helped me eat. He quirked me a brow when I gave up and simply grabbed the spoon on my own. I blushed furiously and didn't meet his gaze. There was another sigh, but Heero's eyes were smiling, so I knew I wasn't in trouble.

When I was done and laid back down and Heero had left the room with the tray, I found myself staring up at the ceiling and wondering what the hell I was going to do. Heero was about to enter a battle he shouldn't have to fight. Scratch that; Heero was about to enter _another_ battle he shouldn't have to fight. And I couldn't stop it because I was too weak to fight it myself.

Moreover, Caribol was apparently taking fighters and warping them via engineering and possibly technology. Who was the man who had said he'd killed me? What was he like? How hard had he been to defeat? Heero had said they'd needed to work together to defeat him, but that could be Heero being modest, trying to explain away why they'd all thought someone had killed me. But no, Heero didn't exaggerate an enemy's strengths or weaknesses. No, usually he was disgustingly blunt.

So Caribol had an unknown number of incredibly strong superhumans at its beck and call, and we were trapped with two Preventors agents and an invalid. And maybe, if Trowa saw fit to grace our presence, a couple other fighters who were estranged from the others.

If I were a weaker soul, I would have wept for the hopelessness of it all.

Instead I planned.

I knew I had maybe a day at most before Heero went jumping off into the battle. The next visit from Wufei would be longer than usual. I shortened that expectation to that night, knowing Heero would be hyped to go now that he and I had completed our not-fight over it. That gave me only a few hours.

I couldn't do much. I was trapped in a bed, for God's sake. But still there was _one _thing I could do.

I'd already thought of doing it, but Heero might have a cow if I touched his laptop. I considered for a moment, then shrugged and sat up.

Need I describe the pain of using muscles that were stitched up? Maybe I was a masochist. A redundant masochist.

I dragged my sorry ass over to the door and opened it, knowing Heero would have already heard my footsteps padding across the floor. I ignored the sound of his own footsteps pounding below me and continued my little trek to his room. I wasn't at all surprised to see his laptop by his bed, open and waiting. I managed to sit down and put it in my lap before he slammed into the room. "Duo!" he snapped. I didn't even look up from the screen and I knew he was glaring murder at me.

"Hi, Heero," I said tiredly. My stomach hurt.

"Dammit, Duo, how many times are you going to-"

"I'll be leading you," I informed him primly.

That stopped him short. "You'll... what?"

I sighed, already typing away, hacking with all my might. "I'll be leading you through," I repeated.

I expected him to order me off his laptop. I expected perhaps a little sputtering or a speech about my recovery rate being entirely dependent on me not being stupid. I did not expect a sigh that sounded suspiciously like acceptance. "All right."

I almost dropped his precious laptop. I stared at him. "What?"

He came further into the room, hand trailing lightly on the door. "All right. I would feel better if you were watching over me," he admitted, though I couldn't tell if he would feel better about his safety or my sanity. It didn't matter either way.

It was stupid to need to kiss him, but suddenly I did. I couldn't explain it to anyone if I tried. All I knew was I needed his arms around me. I needed to _feel_ him. I think he saw, but I don't think he understood fully; he came over and kissed me lightly on the lips, just a small peck, and backed away. I didn't demand more.

"I'll go, then," he murmured, watching me.

How could I say what I was feeling then, right at that moment? That his kiss couldn't assure me of his reality or his strength. That seeing him standing there in front of me would torment me over the next hours as I waited to see him return to me safe from harm. That I didn't know if I had the courage to wait for someone I loved to die again, leaving me alone. That I wasn't as strong as he thought I was.

"All right" was all I said.

As soon as the door closed behind him, I had to focus to remember how to breathe.

* * *

I led him through, just as I'd said I would. As soon as Heero's car had disappeared down the drive, the door had opened and Wufei had introduced himself to the house at large. I'd called to him from Heero's room and had ignored him after that.

He sat beside me, silently watching, helpless as me. I didn't know what to do with him; he had, after all, gone farther than me in the relationship with Heero – at least physically. But he was still a trusted friend, someone who could, if not completely empathize, then at least understand my fear. Wufei was also oddly good at being silently companionable. There were times I took no notice of him other than a vague feeling of security, and other times I could feel his presence and could be nothing other than extremely grateful.

Speaking through some Preventors' equipment, I led him through a side entrance, then through a crack in the defenses and past about ten guards. I didn't bother asking Wufei why it was suddenly legal for a Preventor to go undercover in Caribol Headquarters when it hadn't been before. I had no time. I had to call up schedules, maps, codes. I skipped back and forth almost too quickly to comprehend, fingers flashing across the keys. I gave Heero clipped, terse directions and he gave me clipped, terse responses. I still couldn't breathe correctly, but I didn't have the time to try to remind myself how.

I don't quite know how it had happened. Everything was going smoothly, and I was moving on to the final code that would get Heero into the laboratories. According to the ID scanners, no one was inside this storage room at the moment. Yet as soon as I heard that last keystroke being entered into the system-

-_Bam! Bam!_

My heart seized in my chest. Breathing stopped altogether. I said nothing, knowing I could give away Heero's position if he'd managed to dodge and hide. Knowing also that I could give away information if he was captured. My hand hesitated over the link, wondering if I should cut it, remembering the unspoken rules during the war.

Wufei's hand covered mine. I turned to him, desperate, only to see him shake his head. His eyes were worried, though not as traumatically as my own. 'Liability,' I mouthed, as close as I could get to saying that I knew the old rules.

Wufei shook his head again. 'Not anymore.'

My hand shook in relief. We didn't have to worry about abandoning comrades anymore.

I stared down at the screen. It couldn't tell me anything, whether Heero was safe or whether he was... I clenched my eyes shut. Not Heero. He was fucking invincible. Nothing could...

But I could still plainly see him lying dead on the ground, his Gundam in pieces around him, and I knew that wasn't true at all.

There was no sound from over the link, but it wasn't dead and I was eternally glad. That meant one of two things: one, Heero hadn't been caught yet, or two: they were trying to get a wire back to us to find out where we were. I had no problems with either. If Heero was fine, I was fine; if Heero was dead, so would they be.

I felt my lungs burn and reminded myself to breathe.

The silence continued for a few minutes more. I was completely still, afraid that any move I made might somehow give away Heero's position.

Then the silence exploded in sound. Three more gunshots sounded; suddenly I could hear Heero's breathing, harder than necessary. My fingers locked over the keyboard.

I was so thankful I might have cried when Wufei took the laptop and communicator from me. I clutched my stomach. Please, please don't let me throw up all over Heero's bed.

"Yuy," Wufei hissed, making me jump, "if you don't want Maxwell to do something stupid, win."

I turned a horrified stare at him as two more gunshots spilled over the speakers. What the hell kind of risk was that?

"I don't care," he muttered lowly to me. His eyes stared pointedly at my stomach. I couldn't even work up the energy to grin sheepishly at him.

Another gunshot, then two more. I cringed at each. I stared at the laptop desperately. Was there anything worse then sitting back and not knowing?

"Sorry about the wait," I heard Heero murmur, and I sagged in on myself. I shook with relief, almost so badly as to be likened to palsy. My breath sucked in so quickly it hurt.

"Yuy, you bastard," Wufei snapped good-naturedly, "what the hell were you doing?"

"You won't believe this," Heero muttered, "but I found... what I suppose would be a drop-off of... I suppose rejected experiments."

Wufei hissed. I cursed loudly. "Dammit, I should've seen that," I muttered. "Of course they would have fucked up first."

"How many?" Wufei asked grimly.

"Six. How's Duo?"

Wufei turned to me and cocked an eyebrow. I gave him a defiant look and straightened myself from my position. And winced.

"Idiot," Wufei snorted, "how do you think he is?"

Heero was silent for a moment. I took the chance to glare at Wufei. "I see," he said finally. "Duo, don't overdo it."

I scowled and snatched the communicator from Wufei's ear. "What the fuck are you talking about, Yuy?All you're letting me do is sit here on my ass. What could be more strenuous?"

"Just watch your stitches."

"Shut the fuck up, Mama-Yuy." I held my hand out for the laptop; with a stifled chuckle, Wufei handed it over. I clicked on the thing for a few moments, searching through until I found what I was looking for. "Heero, there are supposed to be twenty-three of what they call Defects within Storage Areas. Your gunshot probably set off internal alarms..." I ran through a couple links. "There. I've turned them off, called it in as a false alarm. You should be able to proceed. I'll give you as much of a berth around those areas as possible."

"All right." Silence. Then, "you know I'm coming back to you, right?"

I flinched. Such words should never be said in the middle of a mission. Things could turn sour, and then what? You'd be leaving the other with nothing more than a broken promise. "Just be ready for the worst, Heero."

He just sighed, not saying anything more.

I kept Heero strictly away from Storage Areas on the maps I pulled up and led him to the laboratories through an intricate little set-up that included four different access codes. Heero didn't utter a word of protest. We were back to the clipped answers and responses.

Heero plugged in the last set of codes for the lab. "Entering."

"Understood," I murmured. My palms were sweaty on the keys; I rubbed them on my pants leg in fear of somehow oiling up Heero's laptop. There was silence on his end, silence I wasn't very confident in. I waited tensely for something to happen.

"Jesus."

"What?" I asked quickly, leaning into the laptop as if Heero's voice was coming from there and not the communicator. "What's going on?"

"Jesus," he said again. "I can't even count them all..."

"The enhanced humans?" Wufei asked, aghast.

"Yes," Heero whispered. I wished I could see what he was seeing. I wished I knew just what he was up against. Wished I could _do something_. "Some are adult men, some just... pieces. Some are no more than infants..."

"Jesus," Wufei echoed.

I couldn't even imagine what he was seeing. Infants? Pieces? Like what? I imagined those old science fiction movies, the ones with hands and feet and eyeballs in jars. Was that what Heero was seeing? I tried to imagine cyborgs sleeping in tubes and shook my head. It was too bizarre to imagine.

I began typing for information, trying to find out just what was in those laboratories. I hadn't managed to start on the first encryption before my screen started flashing. An alarm broke out over the communicator. "Heero." I backed out of the encryption files and tried to hack off the alarm, but it wasn't a normal alarm. "What's going on?"

"Shit!"

Heero never cursed on a mission.

My heart went into hyper-mode again. I forgot once again how to breathe. "Heero?!"

"They're waking up!" he snapped. "The tubes are draining – I have to get out of here."

His voice went from desperate to emotionless. He was the Prefect Soldier. And I was freezing up. I glared at the monitor. The exits would be blocked off. A new code would be needed. I needed to find it. Now.

"I'm getting the codes," I told him. "Do whatever you have to to live. Do you understand me?"

I was asking him to slaughter. I felt my hands tremble. "Understood. I won't break my promise, Duo."

And I heard his gun fire once, twice, three times. I turned off the silent alarm almost before it turned on. If the alarm continued going off, things would get bad. But for now...

"Come on, come on," I muttered. Another gunshot. Heero was silent again – he was always silent when he fought. It always managed to terrify me. How could anyone know whether he was alive or not?

Gunshots were coming more rapidly now, and I knew that somehow at least one of the tubed people had gotten hold of a weapon. Heero was still silent as a tomb. I strained my ears for sounds of his breathing, maybe a sound of a grunt or short cry that would tell me what I was praying I wouldn't be told.

I finally hacked into the code. "Heero – 15B7GJ81B. I repeat – one, five, Beta, seven, Gamma, Juliet, eight, one, Beta."

"Understood."

Then I could only wait tensely for the gunshots to end, for Heero to come back to me, safe and sound. I could only sit down, useless as a lump of clay, and wait. "Through the northeast exit. Ten meters down, a window to your right-"

But I didn't get the chance to finish; something smashed into the room through Heero's window. Wufei snatched me up, still holding the laptop, and threw us into the hallway. A second later, the world exploded.


	7. Exile

Disclaimer: You people _do_ know that I don't own Gundam Wing... right?

* * *

Sub Rosa

Chapter Seven

Exile

* * *

My ears rang for so long I feared I'd lost part of my hearing. I couldn't breathe, but now because of the excruciating pain in my stomach, bad enough to choke me. I gasped for air.

"Duo? Duo, answer me! What happened over there?!"

Heero? Should he be yelling? I didn't think he should be yelling. Wasn't he escaping?

"Duo, we need to move!" Wufei shouted in my ear.

I struggled to get my bearings. Wufei was right; we needed to get out of here. Whatever that explosion had been – grenade or Molotov cocktail, we couldn't lay around waiting for the next one to come busting through. "Heero," I panted, "get yourself somewhere safe – don't return to the house."

"I already _am_ somewhere safe, now tell me what the fuck happened!"

"We've been targeted," Wufei said grimly. He pulled me up, not giving a damn at the moment that he was pulling my bad arm and my stomach muscles, nor that he was making me put my weight on my injured leg. We didn't have the time for such niceties.

He tugged me forward, down the stairs and to a window on the other side of the house. Then he pushed me against the wall and carefully checked to see if the coast was clear. I concentrated on not screaming in pain.

"Let's go," he murmured lowly, and opened the window. In half a second he was outside. I wasn't as graceful. It took me about three seconds, and even with that I almost fell on my ass. Wufei grabbed me and held me up. "Come on," he whispered in my ear, and we were running again, his hand around my wrist, making a break for Heero's neighbor's yard, fenced in by hedgerows.

"What do you mean, you've been targeted?" I heard, and was surprised to see the communicator dangling from Wufei's neck.

"Don't return to the house," Wufei reiterated, then, "now shut up."

At least, I thought gratefully, Heero was somewhere safe. Now I just needed to make sure my weakness didn't get Wufei killed.

We made it to the hedgerows just as two men saw us. Yelling, one pulled his arm back and let it fly.

"Jump!" Wufei ordered.

I didn't give myself time to think about it: about how my leg muscles would bunch, potentially ripping the stitches in my leg, about how my stomach muscles would pull _those_ stitches taut, or how I'd probably by landing very poorly, ripping _something_. I specifically didn't think about either Heero's face or Mr. Zencroft, my physical sadist. I just jumped.

And I was right on all accounts – my leg felt like it was on fire after I landed; the pain in my stomach wasn't worth mentioning _again_. And I landed straight on my injured side – fucking _ow._

But I managed an ungraceful roll just as the hedgerows burst into flames. I stumbled back. Wufei caught my shirt and wrenched me up, and we were running again. I heard more shouting from behind us, then footsteps, and knew we were being pursued. I wished for the old days for just one second, wished I had Deathscythe waiting for me. Wished there were contact points already mapped out. Wished...

But I had no time to dwell on our lack of contingencies. Wufei was making sure not to pull ahead of me, which made him lose time. I begged for Shinigami to return to me, to take me away, to make the pain insignificant. And, thank God – or whoever – he did. Finally.

"Come on, 'Fei," he panted, pulling ahead, "keep up."

He seemed surprised for just a second, but then he smirked. "Shut the hell up, Maxwell. You know very well I've only been giving you a pity run."

I barked a laugh. "Sure, tough guy. Whatever helps you sleep at night."

He pushed forward then, flicking a glance behind us. I did the same. The men were definitely chasing us, but a couple of them were beginning to lag behind. A few had what looked like bottles in their hands. The cocktails, then. I grinned maniacally. If we kept going at this pace, they wouldn't even get the chance to throw those things.

And they didn't. After less than a dozen blocks, they were long behind us. The last pathetic straggler gave up then. "They're probably burning down Heero's house," Wufei said grimly. "Preventors will pay for it, but..."

I didn't have the breath to curse. Shinigami had left, unable to maintain his danger-induced high. My legs simply stopped moving. I fell to the ground like a rock and just stayed there. I had no desire to move ever again.

"Duo!"

Wufei immediately returned to me and knelt by my side. "Shit," he murmured, apparently only just now taking a good look at me. "Shit, Duo, you're bleeding."

And that apparently was more than Heero could take. "What the fuck's going on?"

He sounded pissed. I wondered if I could muster up the energy to answer, but I just couldn't make myself care at that moment. We were safe. There was nothing to talk about.

"I believe Maxwell's pulled some of his stitches," Wufei answered, taking the matter out of my hands. I watched him as he put the communicator up to his ear. "His leg and side are bleeding badly."

I distinctly heard Heero's curse. "How is he?"

"Fine," I answered.

"Bad," Wufei said at the same time. "We ran eleven blocks," he told Heero while I glared at him. "I wasn't paying attention to anything but our pursuit. I'm sorry for that."

There was a short silence. "What position is he in?" I heard Heero ask.

"He's on the ground. He's conscious, but he isn't moving," Wufei told him.

"I can hear you two," I hissed, letting him know I wasn't appreciating being talked over. He ignored me.

"We're going to Preventors'," Wufei told him grimly. "Meet us there."

I struggled to stand again. When Wufei held out a hand to help me, I brushed it off. He only shook his head and stood protectively beside me.

"Are you sure he can make the trip?" I heard Heero ask.

Wufei snorted. "You know, I'm beginning to think Maxwell's right – you _are_ a Mama-Yuy."

It made me grin. I held out my hand for the communicator. Wufei only leaned it toward me, but that was enough. I leaned in. "Fuck you, Yuy!" I called pleasantly. "You just worry about yourself, Mr. Martyr, and leave us professionals alone."

"Professionals?" Heero repeated. "Meaning you?"

His classically cynical tone made me laugh. "We're leaving now," I told him.

"Be careful," he warned.

"Aye-aye, Mama-Yuy," I said with a salute, and leaned back, away from the communicator. Wufei rolled his eyes at me.

"Let's go." He started off in a slight jog. It was interesting, getting those muscles of mine to move, muscles a bit lax after their days of disuse, and ignore the pain pulling my nerves all along my body. Wufei didn't say anything about my drunken progress, but it made me want to scream. My injured arm just kind of swung back and forth, almost like a club. A club being tossed around by a half-dead monkey. My uninjured arm was occupied with holding my torso together, and my injured leg made me stumble whenever I put weight on it. I couldn't even imagine how I looked, a drunk guy in the middle of the day bleeding all over people's lawns. If my sight hadn't been so blurry, I probably would have gotten the chance to see some truly interesting stares.

I let the time pass by in little waves of concrete slab and weedy lawns. I saw a little kid weeding a garden with what looked to be a grandmother, and what I thought was a man in a Speedo biking down a highway. He was not good looking.

Wufei and I didn't talk, either, but rather let the time roll by until I think he'd had enough my breathing like an asthmatic. "Dammit, Duo, if you're having a hard time, tell me. We'll take a quick break."

"Wufei," I panted, trying for the honesty route, "if I stop, I won't start again."

He slipped back into silence then, just letting us continue running.

And then finally, blessedly, the Preventors building, tall enough to rival skyscrapers, loomed into view. We still had a few more blocks to go, but just seeing it glaring down at me made my chest a little lighter.

And then when I saw Heero coming up towards us, I practically flew.

"Duo!"

How many times was that man going to call my name like I was about to keel over dead? Although I supposed I'd given him all of those chances.

Heero zipped right past Wufei – yeah, I'll admit that made me happy – and immediately leaned up against me, taking my weight from me. I almost fell to the ground again. "Duo!"

"I'm okay," I managed, though my breathing was so heavy and labored I had to wonder if he even heard me. Whether he did or not didn't matter, because he was _lifting_ me into his arms. I think I managed a gasp of protest before I fell bonelessly against him.

"Shit," I heard him say.

"Let's hurry," Wufei advised, and Heero must have nodded because we were moving. He was a thousand times gentler with his strides, trying not to hurt me, but at that point I was in so much pain he could have put me on a rodeo bull and it wouldn't have mattered. If there was a limit to how much pain a body could feel, I thought I might have reached it. I just kind of lolled there in his arms like a rag doll. If I'd had the energy, I would have been humiliated.

"We're here," Wufei said finally. His breath sounded almost ragged with relief.

"No, not there – the back entrance."

And if I'd had the energy, I would have kissed Heero for making sure Headquarters didn't see me like this.

They were silent for a time while they made their way to the side entrance, usually preserved for undercover agents on report, and went inside and into the elevator. Heero didn't put me down once – not that I could have stood on my own, but still. I stayed silent and let my blush and glare tell Heero exactly what I thought of this. He only bent down and kissed my forehead. "I'm glad you're okay," he said simply, then was once again silent. I stared at him in shock, which must have looked interesting because Wufei snorted.

Une was already by the elevator, arms crossed and foot tapping, when it opened on her floor. "Just what the fuck happened?" she demanded before we were even outside the elevator. One look at me and her scowl deepened. He eyes snapped to Heero. "Well?"

"I was on an infiltration and reconnaissance mission," Heero began, but I butted in. Heero's detailed report would take too fucking long.

"Heero went to Caribol and Caribol came to Wufei and me," I told her. "Wufei said something about Preventors paying for Heero's house?"

She turned her glare to me. "Of course," she said prissily. "That does not change the fact that these men have officially destroyed-"

"Yeah, yeah, I know. What do you want to do about it?" I pressed. "If I had, say, a huge-ass Gundam or something, I could just crush the little fuckers. But I don't think it's available at the moment."

She pinched the bridge of her nose. "My office, please."

"Commander, Maxwell needs medical attention," Wufei spoke up, though they both followed her to her office, anyway.

"He'll be taken to our facility in a bit. Yuy, report."

And Heero began his long, detailed shpiel and sat down in one of the chairs, trying to be as gentle as possible. I just concentrated on not screaming.

For his part, he spoke so quickly I wondered if Une could even understand what he was saying. And he held me as carefully as possible, and he kept looking down at me, gaging, I think, the loss of blood, or maybe my awareness. And when he finished, he stood.

"You might as well get comfortable," Une snapped. Somewhere about halfway through Heero's speech, Une had taken to rolling her thumbs over her temples and scowling at the air. I guessed she was in a bad mood. "We need to take our own measures. Yuy."

Heero tensed just a tiny bit. It was enough to make butterflies warp in my stomach, for my own body to tense in response, as well.

"You need to go back. Cause a-"

"No!" I snapped. She looked down her nose at me, her eyes hard. I was absolutely certain my returning glare was ruined by my position. I didn't let that stop me. "Heero isn't going back. That place was-"

"They would never believe he would return so soon," she argued logically. "And we'll need a distraction to get you and Chang to one of our hidden safehouses and near a facility."

They still had safehouses?

"Yuy." She turned back to him. "Cause a distraction. Attack those defects, perhaps. But cause enough of a distraction that they don't watch us too carefully. No sneaking around – go for maximum damage. When you return, I will tell you where I've sent those two." Heero said nothing, shocked, I think, by her decision. "Right now, I have two fighters who are only half-able to fight because they're worried about their fallen comrade," she barked. "How useful does that sound to you?"

I looked up to Heero, certain he would take offense to that 'half-able to fight' remark. But I saw him smile tightly; it would have looked to others like a thinning of the lips. "Understood."

"What?" I argued. "No. No! Absolutely not. Are you crazy? You got in serious trouble in there last time! What if-"

"Duo, don't be dense. This needs to be done."

I scowled at Heero. If I didn't get to finish a fucking sentence, then how could I show him how insanely stupid this plan was?

"Yuy, you shouldn't do this alone," Wufei stated plainly. "If your goal is to cause mayhem, you will quickly become the focus of enemy attacks-"

"I can handle that without a problem," Heero cut in.

"-_and I don't care if you can handle them_," Wufei growled back, not letting himself be interrupted. I shot him a grin for the victory. "This is about having all three of us working together. Maxwell may be bleeding all over Une's carpet, but that doesn't mean he can't take care of himself. He's had worse injuries-"

"He's still not in top form," Heero protested.

"-_and would you stop interrupting me_?!" he shouted. "Do not be stupid, Yuy! This is a major organization. This plan the two of you have concocted is an accident waiting to happen!"

"Be that as it may, Chang," Une cut in smoothly, "you will still be escorting Black Strike to safety. He is the one they're after. That means Yuy, if captured, would not be immediately killed. Which also means he would have plenty of time to escape. What makes you think he wouldn't be able to?"

Wufei growled. "Maybe because you kept us successfully imprisoned for months."

"And in training I taught you how to escape from that," she said primly. I gawked. The hell?! She hadn't told me! I'd been in there too, dammit!

Wufei snorted. "You gave us your password!"

"I gave you the password _algorithm_," she corrected. "Yuy, be quick on this. Three hours will be plenty of time. I'll expect you to report in then."

"Aa." He stood, still with me in his arms. Then he turned to Wufei and held me out a bit. "Would you-?"

"Oh, _hell_ no," I muttered, squirming. He frowned but let me stand on my feet. I hardly registered for pain for the fear beating a furious tattoo in my chest. "You can't," I argued again. "It's reckless and stupid. You keep telling _me_ not to do anything reckless and stupid!"

"I'm not being reckless."

"Bullshit!" Oh shit, I was swaying. Wufei came up from behind me and gently held me up. Without being able to help it, I ended up putting up a good amount of weight on him. This would not necessarily help my case. "Heero, you can't think that you'll be able to-"

"That is enough, Strike," Une snapped. "Right now, you are in no position to be giving out orders. These are _my_ men. My _best_ men. Do you think I would overestimate their abilities and risk losing them?"

I turned on her, almost falling out of Wufei's arms in the process. "Even during the _war_ we didn't do shit this dangerous!"

Une surged to her feet and slammed her hands on the desk. "I have been unable to get Barton and Winner on the phone!" she snapped. "None of my other officers are able to get through the front door of Caribol's Headquarters and _you_ look like a talking corpse. This is the only viable option. I will not take any more of your lip, Maxwell!"

I blinked.

"Well, Yuy? Why are you still standing here? And Chang, I _know_ you're taking him out of here before he stains any more of my carpet. It's not cheap."

"Wait." I turned to Heero before Wufei could bodily drag me out the door. He was watching me with cool eyes, eyes that were already sinking into the Perfect Soldier. I wished very strongly for a surefire, knock-me-on-my-ass kiss. I sucked in a hard breath. "You promised." I glared into his eyes and tried to _force_ him to understand. "You promised. You can't break that promise, do you hear me?!" _You have to come back!_

Heero seemed confused for a moment; his eyes shifted back into his normal, kind-but-still-almost-unreadable gaze. And then he smiled. "I understand. Of course I won't break it."

And he pecked me on the forehead. I leaned up, but he'd already pulled back. My breathing got heavy, my heart thick. This was insane.

"Let's go, Duo," Wufei said quietly, and I could tell by the use of my first name that he was no happier than me about all this. I let Wufei lead me out, but I kept my eyes on Heero the whole time. Wufei laid me down in the hall as gently as possible and began inspecting me. I was bleeding pretty much everywhere.

I knew Heero and Une were planning as much as possible before he ran out. I also knew that, for a good fifteen minutes after he left, I would remain here. That would be fifteen minutes to think before I got moving again. I couldn't let myself think about it.

"He'll be all right," Wufei assured me. "The man's strong."

I only nodded. I knew that. I just wasn't as optimistic as that. From the pucker on Wufei's forehead, I could tell he wasn't, either.

* * *

We arrived by... train.

Nothing says 'I'm a nobody' like riding on a train, especially when passenger trains are rumored in some areas to not exist anymore.

I had been placed on a bed and bandaged to the point of being mummified while Wufei had sat beside me. Both of us had been silent, tensely thinking our own morbid thoughts. Or at least mine had been morbid. We arrived in Colling, what was said to have once been Colorado and Wyoming. And there we sat and waited for Heero to return, both remaining silent, both remaining tense.

But Heero never came.

* * *

YAY! OMG, I finally know where this story is going, so now instead of it drifting along with a half-dead Duo-carcass, we'll be moving into a STORYLINE! ^__^ YAY!!!

Oh, and this is the end of the Enya Saga. Short sagas, I know, but thankfully we're moving up in the world! Yay for angst-y plotline muse!


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